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I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
From character to senator I know what to assassinate.
I lobby for the victims of injustice and adversity,
And care for those unfortunates who lack my great diversity.
I've slept with movie starlets and I've yachted with the Kennedys,
I've copied their initials and I've shared in their amenities.
And in the field of foreign wars my service is distinguishèd,
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.

Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.
Or will be just as soon as all the rumors are extinguishèd.

I'm boarding schooled and prepped and preened in snowy neutral Switzerland,
My haircuts and my super facials put me out at least a grand.
My visage in the mirror never ceases me to fascinate;
I am the very model of a presidential candidate.

In short his mirror visage never ceases him to fascinate;
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.

I married very well and proper, and I married nearly twice,
The number one had tons of money, and the kids they say are nice.
She was, advancing my career, annulled, but she remains a friend,
My second wife is richer still, and she is such a major brand.
My marriage and my intellectual positioning are pairs;
I'm married to ideas so long as they're attached to billionaires;
The nuances of laws and things are strewn among my haws and hems;
I'm very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.

He's very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.
He's very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.
He's very pliable and subtle like a Play upon the Thames.

I am the very model of a presidential candidate,
In matters war and peaceful I will always spin and vacillate.
I have a lot of incompatibly composed conflicting stands;
And ghosts fly out of Arkansaw, opposing me and my demands.

He has a lot of incompatibly composed conflicting stands;
And ghosts fly out of Arkansaw, opposing him and his demands.

When I become the president our kind can safely then inhale,
Unless a vast conspiracy of right wingers out on bail,
Demands a foolish fair election in a horrid third world state,
Or tries to overthrow a brutal and oppressive potentate,
Humiliates or disrespects a terr'ist or a tyrant lord,
Or fails to fly the white surrender banner for the mouse that roared;
I will This mad cabal remand and will severely castigate,
Unless to the U.N. or my successor I can delegate.

Unless to the U.N. or his successor he can delegate.
Unless to the U.N. or his successor he can delegate.
Unless to the U.N. or his successor he can delegate.

I am the very model of a presidential candidate;
I'm patriotic to a fault and never would renunciate;
I never would betray you and I never would equivocate.
My brain, when I am making big decisions, it can herniate.

His brain, when he is making big decisions, it can herniate.
He is the very model of a presidential candidate.