Answer, but No Cure, for a Social Disorder That Isolates Many

NY Times ^ | April 29, 2004 | AMY HARMON

[vpintheak]

That would break my heart as well, I would be very upset if my kids end up in that situation as well. Sorry if my remarks seemed callous, I was referring to the freaks and geeks that that we are to be tolerant of. Wrong article to be posting that remark, sorry again.

[Blue_Ridge_Mtn_Geek]

:There is a lack of tolerance for "wierd" kids? You wouldn't know it by what you see in today's society.

---

Yeah. There is.

My daughter is mildy autistic. Geeky, and kind of on her own planet.

She doesn't care about "What's cool", doesn't want to chase boys, does her own sweetly weird thing and hurts no-one. She is gentle with animals and she draws... She can cook, and use tools and memorizes lyrics with one hearing.

AND if I am not on it, she gets beaten up and has always been called names and made fun of. She never gets invited to the sleep-over or the birthday party.

Why?

Because she's different. She says odd, strange things. She doesn't follow the crowd.

Breaks my heart.
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I understand, but don't lose heart. Your daughter sounds like my wife. I met her in college, first day on campus in fact. She was "weird" in that she was completely oblivious to the current dress styles for coeds, wore bobbie socks and "way out of style" dresses, but she was interesting to talk to, had many interests and was articulate and honest discussing them. I guess she found me interesting too. Neither one of us had much interest in "chasing" anyone (even each other) or spending a lot of effort in the campus "social scene".

Long story short: we've been married for 36 years, have three grown sons, and a nice place in the sticks that she designed, contracted out, and managed the relationship with the builder (I've always hated crowds, and busy roads, and been fairly inept in 'productive' work but effective in 'analytic abstract' efforts). My father-in-law told me once he never thought she would have a family, and worried if she would even be able to get along on her own. We take good care of each other (I earn enough and she spends it wisely - - e.g., her management of all the details of our home construction project - - my part being to review the financial documents and work agreements to be sure no one was sandbagging us). Maybe I'm one of these types too? Probably. Anyway, hope your daughter finds someone like herself with complementary interests so that she and he can take care of each other. In the meantime, help her to look for like-souled neighbors. We're out there. And "Non illegitimati carborundum!"

[AntiGuv]

Well, it sounds as if you're a whole lot more involved than my parents were (not that it takes much for that), which makes all the difference in the world, so I wouldn't worry about too much if I were you from the sound of things.

As for me, I basically decided about age 20 that dumb, reckless people are happier in life and then proceeded to prove that wrong.. I also developed a very definite deathwish which didn't help anything either. I've often said that I was a person who was destined to die young, and by the most curious alignment of circumstances managed despite all my efforts to foil every one of some couple dozen appointments with the Reaper.

Needless to mention I had issues. I still have issues LOL but I've managed to reach a happy medium where I need not necessarily deal with them any further except at my leisure.

[AntiGuv]

Oh, and best of luck to you & your son!

[tiamat]

Thanks.

I appreciate your post.

It sounds as if you and your wife are soul-mates! I am truly happy for th both of you and your kids.


I have faith in my daughter. She'll be able to find her way.

It just hurts in the mean-time to watch, especially when it is so unfair.

[tiamat]

S'okay.

Some of us geeks grow up and do all right!

[Benherszen]

you idiot!

[Bon mots]

I've heard Aspberger's described as "Engineers' Disease" or "Engineers' Syndrome".

It also gives the person clear advantages in many ways, mostly professional... amazing concentration skills, high intelligence, the ability to complete complex tasks/calculations, etc. There is also the tendency to become a work-a-holic.

My brother-in-law probably has it. He is a particularly unpleasant person, but highly successful in business. He is very smart, but prefers to lock himself away in a room with books instead of spending much free time with his family. He tries lately, but he's still without a friend in the world.

[Siouxz]

You, sir, are a jerk.

[Mercat]

When I read Temple Grunden's book, Thinking in Pictures, I realized that it's all on a continuum. My sons and husband think in pictures much more than I do. My adopted daughter is socially a whiz. It comes naturally to her. My oldest son has always had trouble making and keeping friends. My younger son has to work at it and has isolated his problem and cures it with music. He can always relate to people with music and he's very talented. btw, Grunden is a high functioning but definitely autistic person. I don't know enough about Aspergers vs autism but do know that they're related. Ok, I'm done. bye

[Mercat]

wow, the hundred miles an hour brain is right on. My husband says his doesn't work that way but my son and I both have about four or five conversations going on in our brains at any given moment. arrggg. it is hard and I do admit that sometimes I want to be drunk just to slow it down.

[annyokie]

My sister! It's tough duty, that's for sure. I know I can remember everyone's name and their spouse and childrens' and parents' names and still balance my checkbook and have 20 other thoughts in my head at the same time.

I quite getting drunk and just get mellow anymore.

[annyokie]

Man, you really are an asshat.

[exDemMom]

Because she's different. She says odd, strange things. She doesn't follow the crowd.

Breaks my heart.

Your daughter sounds a lot like me when I was younger. I had few, sometimes no friends in school, and I was always the butt of cruel jokes.

Yet, despite the fact that I'm "different", I think I'm doing well enough. I've been married for 23 years, I have a son, and I recently earned a PhD and joined the Army (Hooah). The thing is, school is a horrible environment for anyone who doesn't fit into the narrow category of "normal." Once out of school, though, people are free to seek environments more suited to their temperaments. Just keep encouraging your daughter and remind her that things WILL get better.

[Mygirlsmom]

The thing is, school is a horrible environment for anyone who doesn't fit into the narrow category of "normal." Once out of school, though, people are free to seek environments more suited to their temperaments. Just keep encouraging your daughter and remind her that things WILL get better.

Amen to that! Been there, done that--the T-shirt's in the wash.

My nephew is an Aspie, and upon analysis, several people in our family (myself included) exhibit some of these tendencies to a lesser extent. My struggle is with my oldest, who, unlike her nerd parents, is extremely popular and has a very active social life. It scares me, since I have little personal experience from which to draw on in guiding her through her teen years.

[valkyrieanne]

I agree. The ignorant comments are really disappointing.

[Travis McGee]

Thanks!

[Travis McGee]

Thanks so much, Mr. Know It All.