Answer, but No Cure, for a Social Disorder That Isolates Many

NY Times ^ | April 29, 2004 | AMY HARMON

[Godebert]

Lighten up Travis. It was just a lame joke. You take yourselves too seriously. Plenty of folks deal with much worse than what you have to go through so excuse me if I'm not impressed with your melodramatic whinning.

[Yaelle]

What's nice is that he doesn't care so he doesn't suffer rejection. Also, not caring may (perversely!) help the other kids not pick on him, since they always seem to close in on the ones to whom it really matters. And he's found his niche, being the electronics expert.

My son likes to help us with computer problems, but sometimes he thinks he can do more than he really can! Which can get you into trouble! Does Grandpa really need Napster? LOL.

[Yaelle]

I think it is more of a social anxiety thing than an inability to recognize social rules, though.

Yep. Totally different. My son has no anxiety that I can see, but just doesn't and seemingly can't quite "get it." He is very outgoing.

[Yaelle]

He could also watch a cartoon, then draw scenes from it repeating ALL the dialog.

That is classic autie behavior!

[FITZ]

Yes --- I think that's the difference --- he doesn't have a problem or any unhappiness over his social isolation which seems to just be his nature --- being a loner who is too busy in his own thoughts and projects to care about a social life.

The only time I've worried was when he was younger and would freak out in crowds --- for example on trips he would be fine camping, he'd be fine at the zoo or an amusement part but a crowded tourist place would cause him to behave very strangely --- almost like a wild animal --- and he would be almost incoherent when asked why he was acting the way he was. He'd say he didn't know --- but his behavior was definitely weird --- running off, hiding, purposely getting lost, darting around and having outbursts --- not shyness but something else. But since that was at ages below 10, I didn't pay much attention and just kept him out of those situations, in school he had no such problem and it seems to be something he's outgrown but I doubt he'd ever do well living in the city or be happy being in crowds of people. It was at those few times though he would actually act autistic but to me if it's that rarely then it's still within normal and he wouldn't need any kind of label.

Similar to my feelings on ADHD --- a real disorder or chemical imbalance does exist but the labels and the drugs that go with the label are given out too commonly. If you have a child that doesn't like to sit still for 6 hours straight they can get that label ---- but they might be quite normal. I think sometimes the problem is really trying to put normal square pegs into the wrong holes, they are normal but the situation they may be in is what doesn't fit.

[Yaelle]

Your son has/had definite symptoms of being on the autistic spectrum. I can't diagnose, but the running and freaking out in crowds, and his happily staying out of all things social, do sound like it. Really, some might disagree with me, but I wouldn't even bother to go have him diagnosed because you all are fine and he is fine and he is finding his way in life and has his niche.

There is no good treatment anyway. I am glad my son was diagnosed because it finally meant that it "wasn't anything I did wrong." However, there are no drugs to fix it (and I am glad), and "social skills classes" are of no use as I have found. Unless possibly your child happened to find a like-minded soul for a buddy in one of these classes. Mine was always the most highly-functioning. But figuring out the right behaviors to use in the lab with other auties si very different anyway from navigating the real world with the rest of the human population!

So keep doing what you are doing and make his childhood happy. Hearing on this thread how many people had miserable childhoods reminds me why I decided to homeschool my son.

I don't like to think of him as a diagnosis. He is my son. He is just fine the way he is.

[Travis McGee]

My son has suffered from severe depression, and has had to have several medical interventions.

[Travis McGee]

Thanks! Something you can appreciate is that while Brendan suffers the worst with AS, the entire family is often "collateral damage."

[Travis McGee]

Interestingly, 12yo Brendan draws like an 8yo (stick figures are about it) but he has perfect pitch, and can work out a song note by note on the piano or singing, after hearing it a few times. He's in a church youth choral group and really enjoys it. He reads sheet music like the ABCs. Math: easy. English composition: almost impossible.

[Travis McGee]

After trying many combinations of meds, and changing schools, Brendan is on a more even keel now. But we're still always walking on eggshells, because he can still "flip the switch" and go into out of control meltdowns. But it's better than the pure hell it has been.

[Travis McGee]

GBU and your brother trucker!

[Travis McGee]

Lighten up Travis. It was just a lame joke. You take yourselves too seriously. Plenty of folks deal with much worse than what you have to go through so excuse me if I'm not impressed with your melodramatic whinning.

Okay, let me tell a little joke to lighten up the atmosphere.

You're a sick cruel sadistic stupid ignorant SOB. Go walk in traffic. Have a rat poison cocktail.

Hahaha! Ain't that funny! Gee, are we all laughing now?

[Revolting cat!]

Tomorrow's headline today:

Aspen ASPCA Aspies Asperse Asparagus!

[FITZ]

That's just it --- he has the symptoms but he has no real problem and by age 14 now can handle the crowd situation even if there actually might have been a neurological response he couldn't control at age 8 or 10 --- and I do think some of his stranger responses were neurological but not serious because they were partly due to an immature nervous system. Some of it was maturity but some was just letting him be --- at family reunions and gatherings he would stay at the edge --- not really interacting with cousins but able to join in on activities like hiking and exploring even though he's just as happy to do that alone. I guess if was desperate for friends or unhappy I'd be worried. Even the teachers would say it is just that his mind is at some different level --- he doesn't relate to the others because they don't share his obsessions but I think as he gets older he might meet others like himself if he gets into the right field of work and then I would expect he'll socialize somewhat or have friends. Or else he'll do what he's doing now --- limiting his social life to within the family and animal pets. He saw Seabiscuit and so is trying to communicate with horses like the old horse trainer and has now trained his horse to follow him around with no lead rope or halter. To me that is being social but just in a somewhat different way.

I actually think those who fit in with the crowd easily often have the more serious problems because they're steered too much by what others think. They may be popular and seem very normal because they have so many friends but from what I see of all the piercings and tattoes, teen drinking and drugging, I'd be more worried about a crowd pleaser than a loner.

[Godebert]

I'm impressed. The death sentence for calling someone a "dork"? That's nice, but unlike you...I won't go cry to mommy like you did earlier. What a Mary.

[LisaMalia]

I guess, from all of these posts, you have to go through this type of situation with a child or relative to appreciate the seriousness. Some people sit up on their ivory towers, and dismiss mental illnesses as a sign of weakness. I feel sorry for those people. We all should.

Some lines you don't cross. Do we make jokes about heart disease? Cancer? No, not unless you are one sick person.

Rush made an error in judgement when he made light of this illness. Politically, I agree with almost everything he has to say. But to coin an old phrase, point a finger at a person, and you've got three pointing back at yourself. You don't get hooked on pain meds without having mental health issues.

My heart goes out to all on here who have children afflicted with this illness. Because that's what it is...AN ILLNESS.

[FITZ]

I missed the Rush show --- what did he actually say? Was he making fun of the actual real diagnosis of real debilitating autism --- the kind that can get you in a mental institution or severely limits you're ability to succeed, earn a living, be happy? Or the diagnosis if autism that is sometimes being passed out like ADHD where normal kids are getting drugged up because their parents were convinced by schools that the kid needed drugs?

[PurVirgo]

LOL - good for you!!

I'm pretty inexperienced at gambling, so I pretty much babysit the slots, and play Let it Ride if I have a little extra to play with.

Craps pays well, but there's a lot of risk involved. I'm a ninny when it comes to risk (money risk anyways). So I'm cool with Blackjack and Let it Ride, and the slots.

Coolest Casino I've been to - Beau Rivage in Biloxi. Gorgeous place, and I had a lot of luck there. It's owned by the same folks that own the Bellagio in Vegas.

Worst Casino I've been to - Harrah's in Cherokee, NC Totally sucked arse. No live table games, and only video slot machines. If I wanted to play computer games, I'd stay home. LOL.

[Palladin]

Rush is routinely cruel.

Maybe it's the drugs talking.

[PurVirgo]

LOL - no you didn't go there!!!!

Sad part is, I don't know if you're serious or joking!!!