Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

To: RightOnTheLeftCoast
Ahhhh… the good old days of the Clinton scandals. Good to see them making a comeback. I think this calls for a Citizen Clinton flashback:

DISSOLVE: INT. CONGRESSIONAL HEARING ROOM - 2000

A long shot of the Congressional Hearing Room. Janet Reno is sitting at a table in a gray wool dress. To her left is Attorney David Kendall, to her right is Attorney Johnny Cochran. Rep. Lindsey Graham is questioning her.

GRAHAM: Miss Reno, when you were given this report, in November of 1998, why did you not act to stop this hemorrhaging of our nuclear weapons data?

RENO: Congressman, in all due respect, at the time, all the prosecutors in my office were looking into serious allegations that some churches were maintaining tax-exempt status while actively “not liking” President Clinton.

GRAHAM: Let me read from the report: “the Energy Department recorded 324 attacks on its unclassified computer systems from outside the United States between October 1997 and June 1998, including instances when outsiders successfully gained complete access and total control to create, view, modify or execute any and all information stored on the system.”

COCHRAN: Mr. Graham, have you ever used the word, “Chink” when referring to an individual of an Asian persuasion?

GRAHAM: You were warned Mr. Cochran. Would the Federal Marshals please remove Mr. Cochran from the hearing room at this time?

Two armed men in suits pick up Johnny Cochran by the arm pits, and drag him towards the doorway.

COCHRAN: The system of justice demands that your racist past be explored! We have evidence that while in college, you ordered a “Kamikaze” in a bar called Whitloe’s. That bartender is willing to testify about that horrific, denigrating slur. Nuclear weaponry pales in its ability to destroy when compared to the racist utterances that emanate...

He is gone from the room. Janet Reno is really looking nervous now, and begins to shake as Mr. Graham continues.

GRAHAM: Miss Reno, a look at the records of your Justice Department, reveals that federal officials requested 2,686 wiretaps between 1993 and 1997. Your Justice Department approved 2,685. In those four years, just one request was turned down - the request to wiretap the most destructive spy in the history of the United States, Mr. Wen Ho Lee.

RENO: A simple bureaucratic snafu?

GRAHAM: I have here a picture taken in 1994 - September, I believe...are you familiar with this picture?

RENO: (now openly sobbing) Yes, I am. I am.

GRAHAM: And where was this photograph taken?

RENO: In my office... (sob)... my office at the Justice Department.

GRAHAM: In this picture, you are wearing a wastepaper basket on your head, and you are holding a three-quarters-empty bottle of scotch. You appear to be inebriated. Were you intoxicated at the time this picture was taken?

RENO: Yes, congressman, I was shitfaced. Drunk as a sailor.

GRAHAM: On your left is James Riady, on your right is Mr. Wen Ho Lee, and to his right is General Ding Henggao, former commander of the Chinese Commission on Science, Technology and Industry for National Defense. Mr. Riady is handing you a few hundred dollar bills, and a new bottle of scotch. Mr. Lee is handing the General, who is a leading Chinese Communist expert on nuclear technology, a folder. The folder is coded FXT00D129. Are you aware of what our investigation showed this folder to contain?

RENO: The access codes and passwords for our defense department computers.

GRAHAM: And...

RENO: (bawling) Our nuclear launching codes!

Gasps and exclamations break out all over the hearing room. Flash bulbs are exploding rapid fire. The committee chairman begins banging furiously with his gavel, as Kendall jumps off his chair. He picks up one of the three phone books he has been sitting on, and begins beating Janet Reno with it.

KENDALL: Shut up, you stupid bitch!! Don’t tell them anymore!! We could all get the death penalty!!

The armed federal agents move forward to grab him, but before they get a chance, Janet Reno rifles a backhand across Kendall’s face, and he falls to the ground, bloodied and sobbing. A wet stain grows around his groin area, as the scene fades out.

26 posted on 04/20/2004 8:36:30 AM PDT by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies ]


To: dead
A true classic. Please consider returning to the typewriter for some more.
29 posted on 04/20/2004 8:55:39 AM PDT by Zack Nguyen
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies ]

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article


FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson