[nina0113]

The "casual cruelty" sounds especially like: Dad's spent a lot of his life apologizing for making one or another of us cry, and he never understands why it's hurtful to say:

daughter one is too old for a bridal shower
daughter two is the prettiest
daughter three made their lives harder by being born

and more of the same.

and when whichever daughter is breaks down in tears, he has NO IDEA why. Ever. He's always very sorry we're crying, and I believe he's sincere in that (when I was younger, I doubted it), but he honestly has no idea of why our feelings would be hurt. He never cries himself, for anything.

[El Gran Salseron]

You are certainly describing AS symptoms about your dad. I'm not a doctor but all of the things you say fall in line with the diagnosis.