That post is troubling, Laz. Go to CT and help Eileen, stay busy, and then kick yourself in the butt in case you want to stray off into trouble. I'm certain Matt would be broken hearted if he knew he was responsible for you losing your firm grip.
Be strong. Eileen needs it. She needs you.
Prayers.
Oh, Laz, I'm so sorry to read of your / our loss, esp. as you all were so very close. I'll be keeping you, Eileen, and other friends/family in my prayers as you all grieve this difficult loss.
Do take care of yourself. Let us know if you need help with that kick in the butt . . . I'm series! You're too special to let yourself stray!