Posted on 03/13/2004 9:04:42 PM PST by optimistically_conservative
HOLIDAY, Fla. -- Birgit Smith does not remember the exact date of her husband's last telephone call.
She knows it was in March of last year, just a few days before the start of the war in Iraq.
But she clearly remembers what she said when Sgt. 1st Class Paul Smith, her husband of 11 years, called from Kuwait.
A good Army wife who was used to frequent separation and infrequent communication, Birgit said the important things first.
"I love you, I love you, I love you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you," she told the man she calls "my perfect soldier." Then, through the static-filled long-distance line she quickly filled him in on what their two children had been doing.
Then he was gone. Forever.
Less than three weeks later, Paul Smith was dead, shot in the head during the 3rd Infantry Division's fight for Baghdad's international airport.
To most Americans who followed the war, Paul Smith, 33, was simply one more tragic statistic — one of the 138 Americans killed during the major combat phase of Operation Iraqi Freedom and one of the 48 3rd Infantry Division soldiers who died in the war.
Now, as the first anniversary of the start of the war approaches, Paul Smith's death may be remembered as more than just a number. He has been recommended by his battalion commander, Lt. Col. Scott Rutter, for the Medal of Honor, the nation's highest battlefield award. His death may become a symbol of American military resolve and commitment in Iraq, and of a family's sacrifices and heartache at home in a time of war.
Bureaucracy slow to act
The paperwork required for such a prestigious award is slowly wending its way through the military bureaucracy as officials seek to determine whether his actions, in essence the sacrifice of his own life to save his fellow soldiers, merits the medal.
Such decisions can take years. But division officials said the Pentagon was seriously considering the award recommendation. It was returned to Bravo Company recently for additional supporting statements from soldiers who were with Smith during the battle.
For Birgit Smith, the prospect of Paul being awarded the Medal of Honor posthumously is bittersweet. She knows it would help keep his name alive not only for their children, but for many Americans whose lives and families are inextricably linked to the war. It would also help her begin to heal.
But it would also mean an end to her quest that Paul's sacrifice be honored, which in no small part has helped her get through this year.
"Years down the road I may be proud, but the Medal of Honor still would not bring my husband back," Birgit said last week in the living room of her home in Holiday, a Gulf Coast community just north of St. Petersburg.
It has been a difficult year for Birgit (pronounced BEER-git), 37, a native of Germany. There were times when deep depression swallowed her whole, not spitting her out until days later. She functions better now, but says the days are still long, her nights so disturbed that she cannot sleep without medication. Were it not for her children, Jessica, 17, and David, 9, she said she would have trouble getting from day to day.
"The minute I heard Paul was dead, I wanted to be dead. I was like someone came in and ripped my heart out. I didn't want to live without him," Birgit said.
The past year has brought anger and frustration. Birgit and the Smith family participated in a ceremony in November when a training center in Orlando was named after Paul. But when a street at nearby MacDill Air Force Base was named in Paul's honor, neither she nor any other member of his family was invited.
And when President Bush went to Fort Stewart in Georgia last September and met with family members soldiers who had died in Iraq, she was not invited until just a few hours before his arrival, making it impossible for her to drive to Hinesville in time.
And the year has brought even deeper bitterness.
"Paul lived for the Army and died for the Army. His whole life was military. I can never be bitter about the war or President Bush declaring war. Paul was ready to go. I am more bitter toward God and Paul," she said.
Just one time in his life, Birgit said, she wishes Paul had cut and run, had saved himself instead of doing what he did and saving the lives of his fellow soldiers.
"But I understand why he did what he did. That's the man I knew," she said.
On April 4, 2003, Paul Smith was serving with Bravo Company of the 11th Engineer Battalion, a part of the 1st Brigade Combat Team. As the brigade secured the airport, Paul's combat engineer unit was told to construct a prison for Iraqi prisoners.
His squad knocked down a gate to a high-walled compound just east of the airport that the troops planned to use for the prison. They immediately came under heavy machine gun, mortar and rocket-propelled grenade fire from Special Republican Guard forces inside. The Iraqis hit an M-113 armored personnel carrier with a mortar round and a rocket-propelled grenade, wounding three of the four crewmen.
Paul helped evacuate the wounded, tossed grenades at the Iraqis, then climbed into another M-113 and manned its .50-caliber machine gun. As the rest of the unit regrouped, he single-handedly held off a swarm of Iraqis and kept them from breaking out of the compound, firing over 400 rounds and killing as many as 100 enemy soldiers before he was killed.
Sgt. Matthew Keller, 25, of Key Largo, Fla., and a team leader in Bravo Company's second platoon, was with Smith during the battle. The heroic efforts of his platoon sergeant saved many lives, Keller said.
"We could have been in a lot of trouble. When he was on the .50-caliber, he was the main fire support keeping the Iraqis from coming through the wall," Keller said in a telephone interview.
The standards for the Medal of Honor are high. According to military regulations, "The deed performed must have been one of personal bravery or self-sacrifice so conspicuous as to clearly distinguish the individual above his or her comrades and must have involved risk of life."
The standards are so high that since the end of the Vietnam War, only two Medals of Honor have been awarded. They went to Master Sgt. Gary Gordon and Sgt. 1st Class Randall Shugart, who died in Somalia in 1993 while trying to protect fellow soldiers. Their heroics were depicted in the book and movie "Black Hawk Down."
A new ring
Paul Smith had survived the Persian Gulf War and deployments to Bosnia and Kosovo. When he shipped out for Kuwait last year, Birgit did not realize he would be so close to the fighting.
He left in January, a day before their 10th wedding anniversary, with a quick hug and a kiss. Birgit's girlfriends helped her celebrate her anniversary with a lunch the next day.
"For some odd reason, I think Paul knew it would not be easy going over there, but he didn't say anything to me. He was not romantic, but he bought me a diamond ring before he left," she said.
It replaced the gold foil ring from the top of a Michelob bottle he had given her as an engagement ring in 1991.
"And other people have told me Paul knew something was going to happen because of the way he said goodbye."
When a chaplain and another sergeant showed up at her door in Hinesville late on the night of April 4 to tell her of Paul's death, she listened politely for a few minutes before kicking them out of the house.
"My husband loved the military, and I was behind him. But right now I hate both of you," she told them.
Paul's death has been difficult not only for Birgit, but also for the three other siblings in his family.
Lisa DeVane of Smyrna, his older sister, said, "The lack of his presence in my life is so overwhelming, and there's so much sadness. I miss him more today than I did when I first heard about his death."
Tony Smith of Tampa, Paul's older brother, said he had difficulty talking about it. "I'm still numb," he said.
When Paul's remains were returned home last year, they were cremated. Some ashes were sprinkled in the Gulf of Mexico; some are kept in an urn in Birgit's bedroom. She has kept all his clothes and belongings. His closet is as he left it.
The house where she now lives used to belong to her mother-in-law. It was put up for sale two weeks before Paul died, but Birgit said she asked for it because it's where she and Paul stayed when they visited his family in Florida.
"I stay where my heart is, and my heart is here with him," she said.
Despite her bouts of depression, Birgit said she had begun to see some light in her life again. She is intent on keeping alive the memory of her husband and ensuring that his sacrifices and those of other soldiers are not forgotten or overlooked.
But as the anniversary of his death nears, she wonders if she has enough strength to get through the sadness she knows will be there that day.
Said Birgit: "I'm very, very scared for that day to come."
Very Sargeant-Yorkesque. I too am awed and speechless.
Bureaucracy slow to act
DUH Factor 10, Mr Sulu!!
Medal of Honor Winner in Iraq(Great Read!)
NYT Medals for His Valor, Ashes for His Wife
Blog Medals for His Valor, Ashes for His Wife
Fallen hero's bike will help educate daughter
"Paul Ray Smith Assistance Fund" as heard on G. Gordon Liddy
I will too.
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