And the women who label them have bought into the lie that sexuality will bring them happiness and a sense of self worth, when what they really need is to be cherished and loved.
I was dining alone at a buffet restaurant in Panama City Beach, FL. It was Spring break. A mixed group of twenty-or-so students arrived who, by their attire, attended Wisconsin/Platteville.
Slowly, I became aware they were behaving in a manner with which I was unfamiliar. I couldn't place it at first...and, then, it hit me.
The boys were not deferring to the girls. There was no pretense about letting the females be seated or go thru the buffet line first -- it was catch, as catch can.
I became intrigued with what I was seeing, so I paid a bit more attention -- noticing things I hadn't noticed before.
The boys didn't help the girls with their chairs, when they were seated or when they went back for dessert. When the boys went to get seconds or another glass of tea, nobody offered to take the girl's plates or glasses and refill them. The girls were on their own.
The boys were eating like a bunch of guys at a hunting camp, exhibiting no table manners at all. For the most part, they were totally ignoring the girls' presence.
In fact, the boys were acting like slobs. And, to my surprise, so were the girls! They were acting like guys. Sloppy clothing, no display of table manners, no sign of courtesy to the person next to or across from them.
And, then, I noticed something else. Even though it was a group of twenty, all apparently from the same school, they acted as if they were alone. Even lonely. Within the new conventions (or the absence of the old ones), they didn't seem to know how to socially interact.
The girls didn't sit in a group, they were distributed among the boys -- but it obviously wasn't a boyfriend/girlfriend matchup. It was random. The communication seemed stifled -- among everyone. A few end-to-end shouts between the boys...and there was some talking. But there were no conversations, if you know what I mean. Nobody seemed to be paying the slightest bit of attention to anybody but themselves.
Spring break. Out to have a good time. Seafood restaurant on the beach. In an identity group, but somehow isolated and all alone. And, while mildly unhappy about it, seemingly confused as to how to spark a human response.
"I have seen the future", I thought to myself, "and I don't like it one bit."
The vivid image of that evening has stayed with me for about 15 years now.
Well said. I wish all young girls could learn this.
got a question for you... Who do you think has had more impact on teaching thier daughter the message sex=love the Father or the mother?
Those of us who did can remember what we thought about dress and sexuality even before puberty. This society is so sex-saturated that even little kids learn to think everyone is doing it all the time, everywhere, and that no one cares for anything else. And I grew up before the myriad "grow-your-penis" and Viagra ads! Imagine what my little sons must think!
On the cover of every women's magazine, no matter how formerly staid, screams a headline like "How to Have the Orgasms of Your Life" or "What Your Man Really Wants in Bed." What are the girls and women wearing in the magazine? Often not much. Appearing SEXY is more important than appearing pretty.
The hip hop culture is as bad as anything else. Can you imagine any songs today about holding hands, dating, or even falling in love? They are all about sex. Dating, to meet a suitable marriage partner? Ah ha ha ha ha!!! Yeah, right!
Girls still want guys to like them. And girls still want to be accepted by the other girls. They have no idea that guys could want anything other than sex. Girls will push out of the group anyone nonconforming. They used to push the slut out of the group. Now they will push the inexperienced girl out as hopelessly backward.
And last but certainly not least, the fashion designers must take some blame. It is extremely hard for busy people of middle income to take the trouble to find pretty clothes for their daughters that aren't immodest. You need to possibly rely on catalogs because you won't find much at the mall. And because all the girls in her peer group are dressed as sluts, your daughter in her feminine, modest clothing won't fit in. Thank you, clothing industry.
The world is screaming to young girls, to paraphrase George Michael, "WE WANT YOUR SEX!" (Ironically, he doesn't.) No one is telling them, as you wonderfully put it, that they are special and unique and worth the effort.