Posted on 02/09/2004 6:44:50 AM PST by Ragtime Cowgirl
Here's her email:
By this same token, those returning should know that the earth did rotate while they were gone. Their children's likes and dislikes are not the same, period. Anyone away for over a year can not expect those they worked with before to not ask questions or to be at the same level of compency (or lack thereof) that they were when the soldier left.Loyalties, clients and the like have had to compensate for the soldier not being there for so long. They can not (in most cases) just pick up where they left off. They will also have to understand that the "novelty" of their return, sadly will dissipate quickly for everyone but them. Anger, resentment, confusion may be their intial reaction but they need to realize 99% of the people they will see daily upon return have not been in their shoes for the past many months. They can not expect an inherent understanding or full comprehension of how things can change a person on the inside. People will expect them to be up and running when they hit American soil. Some will realize that it takes longer. Most don't think about how long it will take. The far reaching effects can be daunting but does that mean the soldier will be "cut some slack" for several months? Probably not. Try weeks. They are back in the capitalist's homeland. Competition reigns supreme.
Family is not going to remember every detail over the past year to try to get the soldier "caught up" Nor should it be expected. Where the soldier may need to keep some things to themselves, understand others too will need the same understanding. Chances are that your loved ones cried alone more than you would guess. They prayed for strength to do things they knew had to be done. They had to overcome their own inner battles with no one else to discuss it with. Yes we are excited. Yes we want our family member out of harm's way and back in our arms. Your families' have been warriors of the heart. That also changes people. Many have struggled with intangibles. Many have had to do things they never expected to do in their lives or maybe never expected to do alone. They too have been changed and would like to be appreciated for what they were able to accomplish. Not harrassed for what they didn't. Things come easily for some and hard for others. That is why we try to marry someone who balances us out. Just because we were able to have managed something while the soldier was gone doesn't mean we still want to do so later. Or perhaps they may find that their partner really was better at getting bills out on time and organizing schedules. Enjoy that. Negotiate the things neither of you like to do. Don't just do the fun stuff, like giving the kids a bath or reading them stories or taking them to the park etc. The spouse left behind has had to be the big bad wolf and the nuturer all in one. I'm guessing a little break from that would help too. Love and support goes both ways.
Remember that you chose to be a member of the Armed Forces. You were not drafted into something you never would have done otherwise. Your kids, parents, siblings, signifigant others probably were. Think about it.
I read this and it sounds so harsh. I have struggled for over a week as to wether I should respond with this viewpoint from the other side of the looking glass. I'm afraid our guys/gals are not going to get the proper preparation for this type of reality. Yes the basics of put your gun down, change clothes and exit the gates will surely be reviewed. I just think that perhaps the viewpoint put forward in Support Group tapes was a bit lop-sided. I also wonder how many soldiers read the material, watched the videos and listened to the CDs on the subject. Incomplete as it was, it is a start. Remember they have been a team of sameness for a year or so. Now they come back and the world goes on. Now their "home team" will be a true shuffle of personalities. I know we have appreciated them and their efforts. I just hope they remember that it goes both ways.
I just hope that it does not appear that I am an ingrate. I don't think that it is just the soldier but society that has neglected the reality of the ripple effect on families, friends, employers and co-workers.
Your comments would be welcome.
I'll just add two observations. Do not be particularly surprised if they happen to watch the network evening TV news, on CNN or Fox, and see reports about operations they're REAL familiar with, or of places they know well, and are absolutely floored about how wrong, confused, mixed up, skewed, slanted, erronious, off-kilter or screwed up some of those reports may be. And they may have some particularly colourfully descriptive terms both for the reports and for those making them. If you ever had any suspicions about the inaccuracies in some reporting, you may get them confirmed, quite suddenly.
Not to worry: you have a tool not everyone else has: right here. If somebody winds up steamed about press lies, let them spill the beans here, where there are other veterans who'll know immediately what they're talking about and hopefully, what to do about it...but in any event, it'll be a way they can let off some of the understandable steam they build up about that little problem. And those inclined to chip in here will get more than a few welcomes; a few already have. Every cloud has a silver lining, and one from this war is going to be an intake of some real fine soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen who've done their jobs as well as they could, and can find some of the thanks they deserve here. We'll be getting some super new FReepers, and I think most will appreciate the welcome they'll find here.
One word of warning, however: there will also be a higher number of female veterans among those coming home, and they'll be facing a few particular problems that I won't even pretend to understand or be able to know about in the slightest; those who feel qualified to make any relevant observations are invited to do so. I suspect a lot of them will hook up with each other for support and there's nothing new or unusual about that; it's what most vets do. But they may find a few similarities with their fellow female vets from other periods, or with some of the guys with whom they served. Or they may look to someone sufficiently different and seperate from what they've undergone, or may care to deal with such matters in their own personal ways. Sad to say, I've lost count of the number of women troops killed so far; at least a half dozen, I believe, maybe more. That's nothing new either, but it's new to them, and in a lot of cases, they'll need some help in dealing with it, just like a lot of the guys will.
And oh yeah, this won't be the last one, either. Five years from now, or ten, fifteen or twenty, a new batch of Americans can expect to find themselves in some global armpit with people working out different and better ways of killing them. There'll be some bitterness when that comes around, too, for some of 'em, anyway.
-archy-/-
Those at home need help understanding.
We say and do insensitive things out of ignorance.
I add the link to homecoming threads, but it needed bumping!
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