Guys: It's Time to Turn Over a New Leaf Blower

The Miami Herald ^ | January 11, 2004 | Dave Barry

[quidnunc]

Have you ever wondered why the entire world runs so smoothly? The answer is: Guys.

Don't get me wrong: I have the deepest respect for women. My own wife is a woman. But when things need to get done, you cannot beat the results you get when guys swing into action.

For an excellent example, we turn now to a news story from The Greenville (S.C.) News, written by John Boyanoski and sent in by alert reader Michael Ester. The story concerns a guy — let's call him Guy A — who had a problem: There were leaves in his yard. So he fired up his leaf blower.

Leaf blowers are the ideal guy tool, because they have engines, they're loud, and they enable you to blast debris, ray-gun-style, from one place to another without having to actually pick it up. I'm willing to bet that somewhere in America, there's a guy who, at least once, cleaned his living room by firing up his leaf blower indoors and blasting everything — pizza boxes, beer cans, ancient potato-chip shards, underwear, deceased spiders — into a less-critical area, such as the dining room. (This guy is not married.)

But getting back to our story, which I am not making up: Guy A, taking action, used his leaf blower to blow the leaves off of his property. Problem solved!

Except that the leaves wound up in the yard of another guy.…

-snip-

[Fzob]

From there, things went downhill. According to the sheriff's department report, Guy B claimed that Guy A head-butted him. Guy A claimed that Guy B hit his leaf blower with a hammer AND knocked his dust mask off, scratching his nose. (Yes: Guy A wore a dust mask. It's important to follow leaf-blower safety guidelines.)

Sorry real men don't wear dust masks. One to be a metrosexual

Finally a sheriff's deputy was called to the scene of the dispute; after listening to the two sides, he shot both guys in the head, to improve the gene pool.

Must'a found out they both were metrosexuals.

[cavtrooper21]

:^)

[SAMWolf]

I love Dave Berry.

[Chu Gary]

It seems to me that with the leaf blower outfit breaching the front, it would be a supremely good idea to have the Arcola, IL law mower strike force at full rev.

[Dog Gone]

If you answered ''yes'' to any of these solutions, you are, with all due respect, a woman.

True enough.

[Hebrews 11:6]

My neighbor's tree drops leaves on my yard, and he regularly trespasses onto my property to blow them back into his yard. I have not pressed charges....

[Looking for Diogenes]

Must'a found out they both were metrosexuals.

Hey watch the jokes - our new governor out here in California is a metrosexual and we like him just fine.

[EuroFrog]

Now wait a minute here. A nice neighbor that shows responsiblity?? Now that is news worthy!