KIDS ASK DOUG FROM UPLAND - No. 5

ask DFU series | 1-7-04 | dfu

[doug from upland]

Per your request.

[Support Free Republic]

Hey, I don't mean to be nosey...

... but I'd really like some bacon,
or some help for FR.

[GeronL]

She obviously has no clue about the Third Reich and the over 6 million deaths for which Hitler is responsible

There were 6 million jews killed in the death camps and 6 million others too, plus all those who died elsewhere and in the war... he was responsible for more than 20 M...

[Mad Dawgg]

Dear doug from upland,

My Doctor told me that Tom Daschle needs to see a Proctologist and schedule a complete Headectomy stat.

What does he mean by this?

Mad Dawgg

[Joee]

It's obvious that the lady has been in the cooking sherry again. When they released her from her last trip to the "funny farm" she was instructed as to the need for her to take her medication. Again, she has failed those simple direction. Nothing to do other than pity her till the "white coats" come and get her.

[jigsaw]

If brains were gasoline, your friend's mom could not back that SUV out of the driveway.

LOL!   More like doug from comedy central.

Thanks for sharing your wonderful wit!

[Grassontop]

Doug, just lurking and but couldn't help notice this youngsters letter! Is this a for real letter? And if it is, the mother is pretty nutty, if I do say so myself! Grassontop

[San Jacinto]

Dear Doug from Upland,

I was watching the movie Old Yeller recently and noticed that Old Yeller was a very friendly and loyal dog who was nice to be around. Then he turned mean and nasty. He foamed at the mouth, growled ferociously, and tried to bite those who fed him. This caused me to wonder--
Was there ever a time when Howard Dean was nice and then turned mean and nasty like Old Yeller did, or has he always been that way?

Just curious,

San Jacinto

[doug from upland]

Nope, this are fake letters. Just doing my best to stick it to the left at every opportunity.

[doug from upland]

Yes, I should have been specific -- 6 million Jews as part of the Final Solution. 20 million overall, however, is far too many.

[Billthedrill]

Dear Mister Upland,

I have a neighbor who is an older man and he is very friendly, but sometimes he sticks his hands where they don't belong and he drools a lot too. Should I have my Mom tell Mr. Clinton to bugger off?

Suzy (age 8)

[doug from upland]

I have seen a baby picture of Howard Dean foaming at the mouth. I am almost certain it wasn't from breast milk.

[doug from upland]

Are you sure it isn't Mrs. Clinton? Does the creature have a screeching voice that causes your dog to run from the room when it is heard on the radio?

[Behind Liberal Lines]

I would have sworn I saw that same SUV in Ithaca, the City of Evil ;-)

[doug from upland]

Ithaca, City of Evil song --- CLICK.

[Billthedrill]

Dere Mister Upland,

Thank you for answering my letter. Im typing this while my Uncle Bill cleans his guns cuz he says Im too young to surf for porn like he does. I think it was Mr. Clinton cuz he has cold hands and he says cold hands warm heart not like that cold-hearted pitch. I dont understand that Mister Upland does Missus Clinton play baseball?

yur friend
Suzy

[No Fool]

Dear Doug, When my mommy watches the Sunday morning political shows, I am astounded at how the Democrats all say the exact same things over and over (even on different shows!!!)--almost like they can all read each others' minds. It's like a STAR TREK Borg episode, when they have all been "assimilated" and they think the exact same thoughts! This is just so amazing to me! Do people become psychic when they join the democratic party?

[Behind Liberal Lines]

Do people become psychic when they join the democratic party?

That might explain why the only crime they oppose is thought crime. ;-)

[SamKeck]

Dear Doug:

Last night I dreamed that I was at a gas station filling up my SUV. When I went inside to pay the tab, the station attendant who took my credit card was Arnold Schwartznegger. After he rang up my bill, he wouldn't give my card back to me, because he told me that I had to fill up Herb Wesson's car's tank too. Should I vote "yes" on Arnold's proposed $15 Billion bond issue?

Sam