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My wife is the world's worst gift giver. She waits until the last minute, asks me what I want, then gives me that. If I give her a list, I get the most mundane, easily obtainable item on the list. I almost always know exactly what I am getting for any special occasion, and when I don't I am underwhelmed anyway. But I know she tries, and I credit her for her intentions and not the result.

On the other hand, I always surprise her with something she never expected. Something she never expected to get but I knew she really wanted.

For all the pop culture attitude that men are boars, selfish, unfeeling, unsensitive oafs clumsily falling all over the woman's feelings, expectations, and intimate parts, I have found exactly the opposite to be the case in almost all the relationships I have seen.

Most of the men I know truly are chivalrous, and their efforts are met with the same disdain as yours and almost never reciprocated.

In our culture, women are taught to be self-centered and men are taught to feed that monster in the vain belief that it can be satisfied. For all the platitudes and truisms bandied about, the real truth is that men make do and do without while showering their wives with every blessing they can muster. And their reward is usually disdain and neglect.

I have friend of mine who recently surprised his girfriend with a very romantic moment at the Bronx Zoo, they have a nice holiday spread. He tried really hard, she mentioned the fact to him that she is still in communication with an ex boyfriend who she refuses to tell to stop stalking her. He was almost shaking with fury. I told him he should have thrown her to the Lions. But feeding the monster is a good description because some women can never be placated enough to feed their spoiled selfish needs without realizing what an effort does often go into what men try to do for the woman in their life, only to have it be treated like it was something they were entitled to or that it was a given that they were going to get treated in a certain way.

In our culture, women are taught to be self-centered and men are taught to feed that monster in the vain belief that it can be satisfied.

I do agree it's a cultural thing. With many relationships, it's a problem of self-esteem -- a problem of ENTIRELY TOO MUCH self-esteem, in the sense of self-esteem being defined as "what you expect that you are worth". When somebody gets more than she expects, something she was prepared to work hard to get, she feels overjoyed. When somebody gets less than she expects, she feels resentful and cheated.

Most of the men I know truly are chivalrous, and their efforts are met with the same disdain as yours and almost never reciprocated.

In our culture, women are taught to be self-centered and men are taught to feed that monster in the vain belief that it can be satisfied. For all the platitudes and truisms bandied about, the real truth is that men make do and do without while showering their wives with every blessing they can muster. And their reward is usually disdain and neglect.

Dead on target. I should have pinged you to my post #561.