[angkor]

"I've never done something like this before," said organizer Zappo Dickinson, who stayed at Koran's bedside when Nzinga couldn't be there.

Is this story from The Onion?

[cyborg]

No they don't love us anymore.

[Lancey Howard]

Is this story from The Onion?

Yeah, my first thought. This can't be for real.
Especially the part about, "somehow the pilot light on the stove flared, sending enough of a spark to set Koran's head ablaze." Sure.

[Old Professer]

The Onion disallows its stories to be posted here-anyway this is too stupid even for them.