Posted on 12/31/2003 3:36:53 PM PST by quidnunc
What a year 2004 turned out be, eh? Let's look back at the highlights together.
January: Iran's government repeats its refusal to accept any earthquake aid from Israel. The U.N. General Assembly promptly censures Israel for putting Iran in such a difficult position.
Howard Dean's activists issue a statement about mad cow disease, insisting that what the media call "mad" is simply a righteous indignation over four years of George W. Bush's misrule.
February: Saddam Hussein is put on trial by a jury of his peers — namely, 12 of his former body doubles. A mistrial is declared and a new jury seated. His court-appointed lawyer, Comical Ali, spends most of his opening argument insisting that this trial is not happening! Saddam is found guilty and sentenced to death by hanging, electrocution, getting hurled off a roof, being buried alive, etc. The sentence is slated to be carried out daily through 2005.
March: In a shocking interview, Michael Jackson drops all pretense and admits he has them for breakfast, too. With peanut butter.
April: The remains of Osama bin Laden are discovered in a remote cave in Pakistan. A video of scientists examining the DNA under a microscope is roundly condemned for violating cultural sensitivities.
May: The United Nations releases a report on the fate of Gowanda, a former Portuguese colony that achieved independence in 1961 but had not been heard from since. "It was left off a map one year, and no one noticed," an official says. "We think it's somewhere near Nigeria. But what isn't?"
June: Longtime observers of North Korea are startled to find that the DPRK has altered its national slogan. "Citizens! Strive to Smash the Advance of the Gangster USA with the Army-Based Solidarity Policy of Juche!" has been changed to "Citizens! Strive to Smash the Advance of the Gangster USA with the Army-Based Solidarity Policy of New Lemon-Scented Juche with Foaming Cleansing Action!" Experts deduce a power struggle between Kim Il Jong and his son, a reputed student of American marketing campaigns. This position is bolstered in later months when the official North Korean news agency insists any attack on Pyongyang will result in "a hail of fire upon Seoul that will leave it utterly destroyed and spring-rain fresh."
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at newhousenews.com ...
Yhis one is too close to the truth to be funny.
I'm going to be using that one.
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