[Pan_Yans Wife]

What is fascinating, in today's culture, is that new parents always congratulate themselves on co-parenting... that they both work and they both take care of the kids equally.

And then, when divorce happens, the father who got up with the infant for the bottle feedings, and took the kids to the doctor, and went to t-ball practice, just as much as the mother did, is still considered unfit to be the only guardian of the children.

That is not only unfair, but it seems like a terrible hardship for the children to absorb.

[thoughtomator]

I can give you a firsthand account. For a male child at least, growing up without a father is simply devastating. It took me many many years to come to grips with what had happened.

I would have married 10 years ago had I not been determined not to inflict on my own children the grave harm inflicted upon me by the baby-boomer self-absorption of my parents. Since I was too young and immature to be a proper parent at that time, and I knew that, I declined to marry and let the lady I loved fulfill her needs to be a mother - with another man. I'm still torn over it, but on balance I feel I did the right thing. Given a father's guidance in my own childhood, however, I may very well have been ready then to be a good father in my own right.

I can suck up the effects of my own personal tragedies, but I will not sit silently as I watch it happen to other families nationwide!

[cupcakes]

So what to do? The courts obviously need to change because women won't because it is a firm belief of mine that this stuff goes very deep and is beyond scorning a spouse. Women are fiercly protective AND possessive of their children. Even when they know children would do better adopted(in single mother situations) or in their father's care(in divorced situation), women will hold tight to the kids. I'm generalizing here of course and not referring to the sleazeballs that use the kids to manipulate dad or the mothers who really deserve the care of the kids over the fathers.