Posted on 12/02/2003 11:32:53 AM PST by OhByGolly HaveaHollyJollyXmas
Gun— The best type of firearm for today's conservative is a shotgun because it can bring home dinner. The Perazzi MX2000S is one of the finest guns in production. This 20-gauge over-and-under shotgun is perfect for small game hunting. The gun is decorated with the Perazzi name engraved in gold on both sides of the stock. Don't forget to include a small game cookbook.
The Perazzi MX2000S retails for $3,900.
Steak— This holiday season, treat the right-winger on your list to the best meat in the world, Japanese Wagyu Beef. The Wagyu cow, developed in Japan about a century ago, is considered to be the best tasting, most tender meat in the world. Don't tell the vegans, but the only natural way to get vitamin B12 into your diet and prevent anemia is by eating animal products. If you have to eat it, why not eat the best?
Japanese Wagyu Beef retails for around $100 per pound.
Sailboat— If you'll be spending your holiday season near water, the best gift for your special conservative is a new sailboat. The Hinkley Sou'wester 70 is a 70 foot yacht with all the comforts of home, including gold leaf accents along the hull. The Hinckley can be customized to your needs and will easily sleep more than ten.
The Hinckley Sou'wester 70 can be purchased used for around $4 million.
Suit— If you are in need of new dress clothes for this holiday season, look no further than Hickey Freeman. Since 1899, Hickey Freeman has been creating some of the best formal wear in the clothing industry. This season, Hickey Freeman is offering a double-breasted wool suit made to the highest standards. It will last from your first interview to your final board meeting, as long as you don't eat too much holiday fruit cake and outgrow it, of course.
The Hickey Freeman Double-Breasted Wool Suit retails for $1,325.
Mace— As a Tufts conservative, you may feel unsafe after the incident at our beloved cannon. Well, fear no more; a great way to repel an attacker is with a can of mace. Spraying this into the face of your attacker will ensure that you can get away safely. Be warned, you may use mace only if you fear serious bodily harm. Make sure to check www.massgunlaw.com and to learn what local laws apply to mace before you decide to include this in someone's stocking.
Mace can be purchased for around $20.
Pen— With most of today's communications being electronic, hand written messages have become a rarity. But that doesn't make them a bad thing. Written communication naturally stands out from email, and it stands out even more if it is written with a quality pen. This year treat your special conservative to a Mont Blanc fountain pen. This classic pen is a symbol of tradition, fine craftsmanship, and culture. Never sign an important document without one.
The Mont Blanc Meisterstuck 144 Fountain Pen retails for $265.
Colin Powell Action Figure— For the young conservative on your list, nothing would make a better present than a General Colin Powell Action Figure. Now Secretary of State, General Powell has become an icon of American leadership. As Powell says, "You don't know what you can get away with until you try." Make sure to try this gift for the 2001 holiday season.
The General Colin Powell Action Figure retails for $60.
NRA Membership— Richard Henry Lee said it best: "To preserve liberty it is essential that the whole body of people always possess arms." The NRA is helping to make sure that this right is not taken away from the law-abiding American people. With the membership, your special conservative will receive a subscription to either American Rifleman, American Hunter, or America's First Freedom. Conceal carry permit not included.
A lifetime membership to the NRA costs $750.
Alcohol— Ever since James Bond started drinking vodka martinis, gin has been absent from most liquor cabinets. But this holiday season, treat your special conservative like real-life Commie-fighter Winston Churchill with a bottle of Tanqueray No. Ten gin and an Alessi 5050 Cocktail Shaker. This shaker is half glass and half aluminum which gives it a style of its own. Remember: shaken, not stirred.
Tanqueray No. Ten retails for around $30.
The Alessi 5050 Cocktail Shaker retails for $85.
Knife— A great gift for any conservative is a pocket knife because you never know when you might have to cut something. For the most reliable name in cutlery, turn to Spyderco. The Spyderco Delica is a stainless steel knife with a conservative, but useful, 2.5 inch blade. If it ever dulls, just send it back to the company for sharpening.
The Spyderco Delica retails for $69.
Here's something short and sweet:
Everybody knows that a Parker is the best shotgun, and Randall makes the best knives.
. . . there. THAT should start a little disputation going. . . . . (covers head)
Is it a full moon or what?
Uh, dude, he's our daily troll. He's already been zotted as such. Please try to keep up.
Are you getting bored being at DUmmie land?
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