HERE IT IS ! Ripped fresh from DU, Confessions of a DUer that sat next to hilary!
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Well, I know by now that you heard that the CARPETBAGGER came to someplace in kuwait for Thanksgiving dinner. Well, I was so embarrassed to draw the short straw, being chosen as one of the soldiers to eat with her from here, I still can't believe what happened. My Sergeant Major and LTC (COLONEL) selected me as punishment for just being sucky. Well, I said okay that's a fate worse than death, When I went to Brigade Headquarters that morning to report in with my guys, the Brigade Sergeant Major and Brigade Commander said they recommended me to be sitting at the head table. Well, I asked WHY? What I was told was that I was known as the whiney snivling little pissant and, perhaps, getting to meet another whiney snivling little pissant, like hilary, would teach me how to be better at it. What we were told is that an appeasement expert from Road Island and an isolationist tart from New York were going to be there. So I thought that this was worse than ebola. Well, they told me that the main reason I was selected and this was by Division command is that I was beyond the tolerance level of even the most patient of my fellow soldiers and, that I lead the entire platoon in requests to be transfered to france. They wanted me to talk to the appeaser from RI, and the isolationist from NY, and make recommendations for furthering the communist cause.
Well, here is what I still can't believe, this is worse than hell week that I will never forget and think that nothing from here in my career can be worse. When I got to the airport a Full Bird Colonel came to me and said come with me young man, I said okay and he took me to my seat. Well, I looked at who I was sitting with. In front of me was the appeasement guy from RI, to the left of him was LTG Sanchez, to the left of me was the Sergeant Major of the Army and an empty seat to my right. I wondered what was up but I didn't think much about it because I had no idea the isolationist from NY was coming yet. Well, the Colonel told me that I was selected to talk to them out of everyone over here. What a Horror. Well, a Colonel sat in the seat to my right and a General said you can't sit there he said he couldn't sit there, saying something about not making eye contact with royalty?. Well, then I knew something was up, then General Sanchez and the appeasement guy said the were going to read the isolationists speech but they were out ranked so some one else was going to have to read it. Well, then some black-jump-suit-wearing tart waddled out and the room didn't notice and then I realized who was going to eat dinner with me at the table and I was going to talk to the isolationist from NY about being over here, The Two Star General came over to me and said she's the one we want you to talk to (then broke out in that evil Mr. Burns laugh, you know, like from the simpsons?). I wanted to be out of that room worse than a cub scout at a micheal jackson jamboree.
What a horror I can't believe that I was selected to talk to the isolationist from NY, There were 8 other soldiers at the table but the isolationist from NY was to my left. I thought Oh my God what do I say I wasn't prepared for this. I didn't even bring a barf bag. Well, the Secret service escorted us to get her food and ours then we sat down at the table. I talked to the appeasement guy from RI, the General and the Sergeant Major of the Army about how we could help fidel, and the 'dear leader'. Then the isolationist from NY came to the table and asked our permission to talk to the rest of the guys and that she would talk to us individually later. Well, of course we said no that it would be unexceptable for her to do that and besides, she thinks she's royalty, or something, and so stuck up, she usuaully does what-ever-the-hell she wants.
Well about 10 minutes later the Secret Service came up to the table and said bring our plates gentleman and he grabbed his. We didn't know where we were going but we followed. Then we were told to put our plates on the table and not to touch them again, couldn't figure out this but security issues I'm sure, then she came to us and talked to us one on one individually. I was stuck talking to the isolationist from NY for what seamed like a lifetime and she talked to me about how ashamed she was of us during the war and asked us to stop the fight, and about where I was from. I told her that had I known that I was the one talking to her I would have wanted my barf bag, as my family has a history of a weak stomach around liberals. she then said france doesn't support you, to which, I replied "Ma'am, going to war without the french is like going hunting without an accordian player". Then she told his Press reporter to make sure that I got a bark bag since I didn't have mine with me. Then I met the appeasement guy from RI, His Chief of Staff and some more government officials. It was so intolerantly lame this has got to be the low point of any career to be subjected to such liberal drivel was a great horror. I guess I'm happy that it's over, but I'm still not sure that any man, not even my worst enemy, would ever deserve such a horror. I couldn't have made it through this without the love and support of my wife, my Mom and Dad and sister, my wife's family and all the relatives and friends that have supported me in my career. OMG, I need to take a shower what a way to spend your Thanksgiving dinner and here I heard that we could have met the President, THAT WOULD HAVE ROCKED! I apologize that I only sent this to you but time is not something I have over here and I thought this is not something I'm very proud of, so please don't tell anyone.
Well, got to go, appeasement time again and take care and God Bless thes soft supple thighs of the lovley Jacques Chirac.
Well, I may need tharapy after this dinner.
Love ___________