[whereasandsoforth]

Dear Mr. Jackson:

If you are indeed innocent, and I hope you are, there are other things you need to "put behind". Number one: sell the ranch. It makes you look like a child molester.

Number two: Get a haircut. Long hair may be making a come back, but not for men your age. It makes you look like a man who wants to be a woman.

Number three: Stop wearing make-up. No man I know wears make-up. You always look like you just got up off the prep table at Campbell's Funeral Home. Stop it! It's scary!

Number four: Give all your money, every last dime and asset, to the Girl and Boys Scouts of America. Give "your" children back to their mothers.

Number five: Get rid of all your spooky "friends". Having Liz Taylor and Liza Minelli as your closest friends makes the wrong statement. Grow a beer gut.

Number six: Move back to Gary, Ind. and rent a small house.
Get a job in a warehouse. Horse around with the guys on the loading dock for a while. Spit on the ground and scratch yourself. Be a man.

[stands2reason]

Stop wearing make-up.

The makeup that isn't covering his horrendous plastic surgery scars is tattooed on.