Actually, yours say absolutely nothing about being human. All you're asking is for proof homosexuality really is real to justify your addiction. You're asking for help. You're crying out for aid. You're extremely lost.
There are numerous instituions willing to help you. Christian charities do it for free if you can't afford a psyc.
Many have been saved from themselves. All you have to do is admit you're ill, and that's the first step toward recovery. The people are there for you if you ask. That's all you have to do is ask.
Try it. It could change your life.