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The Testosterone Gamble Grumble Rumble
New York Slimes ^ | November 13, 2003 | Editorial Parody

Posted on 11/13/2003 9:02:31 AM PST by OESY

Can Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton be rushing into the same reckless use of hormones that brought grief and anxiety to so many unsuspecting women? (Braaaaaaap. Wrong answer! -- Phew, bet that felt good.) That disquieting possibility is raised by a new report that laments a huge upsurge in testosterone replacement therapy despite a paucity of evidence that it is safe or beneficial. One wonders whether another medical debacle is in the making.

Although hormone therapy is unquestionably effective for counteracting the symptoms of menopause and fallen ratings, millions of real American women also used it as an anti-aging elixir or to enhance their sexual pleasure, general appearance, sense of well-being and presidential ambitions. That course of action was shown to be sadly misguided last year when a large clinical trial found that estrogen and progestin, a popular regimen, actually did more harm than good by causing a slight increase in breast cancer, heart attacks, strokes and blood clots. To make matters worse, the presumed benefits soon began to look illusory.

Now it looks as if Hillary could be making a similar mistake. An expert panel assembled by the Institute of Medicine, part of the National Academy of Sciences, warned in a report yesterday that the rapidly growing use of testosterone therapy has outpaced the meager scientific evidence about its benefits and risks. Testosterone therapy has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration only for treating a narrow group of clinical conditions marked by very low testosterone levels, yet doctors have been prescribing it much more widely. Last year more than 800,000 patients, mostly middle-aged dwarfs, were treated with testosterone.

There is preliminary evidence from small studies, but nothing close to proof, that testosterone therapy may improve a dwarf's sex drive, strength, cognitive function, sense of well-being and positions on the War Against Terror. There is no compelling evidence of harm, but there are worries that testosterone may increase prostate cancer or cardiovascular problems, as well as a tendency to become delusional.

Clearly more studies are needed, so open your wallets, taxpayers! The institute's panel urged the government to sponsor small clinical trials with Democrat hopefuls, the group most likely to benefit, to determine whether testosterone therapy can counteract frailty, weakness, failing memories or the loss of sexual function. Only if testosterone is beneficial in that group would the panel recommend a large-scale trial, which could take many years. Our feeling is that the government should sponsor immediate small trials in Democrat hopefuls as well because they are the primary users. Meanwhile, any Democrat hopefuls planning to embark on testosterone therapy to rejuvenate themselves and their political campaigns should be aware of the potential pitfalls.



TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections; US: New York
KEYWORDS: americanwomen; hillary; horomonetherapy; isntthathortense; testosterone
Q: How do you make a hormone?

A: Make her a Freeper Feature Creature.

1 posted on 11/13/2003 9:02:32 AM PST by OESY
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To: Senator Kunte Klinte
ping
2 posted on 11/13/2003 11:05:56 AM PST by OESY
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To: OESY
Last year more than 800,000 patients, mostly middle-aged dwarfs, were treated with testosterone.

Not Gimli!?!

3 posted on 11/13/2003 11:09:57 AM PST by <1/1,000,000th% (Isn't it spelled dwarves?)
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To: OESY; dubyaismypresident; Cheapskate; lainie
OMG...
4 posted on 11/13/2003 12:26:53 PM PST by cyborg (solar flare proof tin foil hats are now available....)
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To: <1/1,000,000th%
Balin tried them before he went down to Moria, and we all know how well -that- turned out...

Qwinn
5 posted on 11/13/2003 12:29:17 PM PST by Qwinn
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To: Qwinn
LOL!
6 posted on 11/13/2003 12:30:53 PM PST by <1/1,000,000th%
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To: Qwinn
I wanna know what the Watcher in the Water was taking. Talk about a bad attitude!
7 posted on 11/13/2003 1:10:44 PM PST by thulldud (It's bad luck to be superstitious.)
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To: cyborg
LMAO at that pic.
8 posted on 11/13/2003 1:18:47 PM PST by NeoCaveman (memo to the Klintons go away already!)
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