The Chicago Way (Dowd alert)

The New York Times ^ | 11/09/03 | Maureen Dowd

[Pokey78]

WASHINGTON

In the movie "The Untouchables," Sean Connery, a cop named Malone, instructs a naïve Eliot Ness on going up against gangsters.

"If you open the can on these worms you must be prepared to go all the way, because they're not gonna give up the fight until one of you is dead," he says. "You wanna know how you do it? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, and that's how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?"

As the president offered his lofty "vision thing" for spawning democracy in the Middle East, America was at a rough juncture. The administration opened the can on these worms in Iraq. Are Americans now prepared to do what it takes?

The Bush crowd hurtled into Baghdad on the law of Disney: Wishing can make it so. Now they're ensnared in the law of the jungle: the rules of engagement don't apply with this scary cocktail of Saddam loyalists, foreign fighters and terrorists, who hold nothing sacrosanct, not human rights organizations, humanitarian groups or Iraqi civilians.

The gangsters are getting ever bolder about picking off our soldiers on land and out of the sky. With three Army helicopters hit in the last two weeks, killing 22 Americans, soldiers are reduced to flying low and fast, as they scan for the glint of sunlight coming off the rockets of the invisible guerrillas. It's an eerie flashback to the 10-year war of attrition Afghans waged against the mighty Soviets, when worn-down Soviet soldiers complained that the Afghan fighters were "ghosts" who would shoot down their helicopters with American Stinger surface-to-air missiles and fade back into the mountains.

On Wednesday, Senator John McCain offered a vinegary critique of the Bush team, urging the president to be more engaged on Iraq, and not leave decisions to subordinates. He also swatted Donald Rumsfeld's assertion that troop levels are fine, saying 15,000 more troops should be dispatched to avoid risking "the most serious American defeat on the global stage since Vietnam."

Senator McCain, nervous about both Army morale and Iraq shattering, believes we must get in deeper to make progress.

Administration officials, nervous about President Bush's election chances shattering, believe we must show progress by starting to pull out.

That is why the Pentagon announced last week it would reduce the number of troops by next summer, replacing them with Iraqis.

But some fret that the Pentagon — growing desperate as the Turks, the Indians, the Pakistanis and other allies refuse to send reinforcements — has been turning out new Iraqi police officers and guards as swiftly and sloppily as Lucy and Ethel turned out chocolates on the assembly line.

The Washington Post reported that tens of thousands of Iraqis were being shoved into action "with little or no formal training in democratic standards and relevant job skills."

Many diplomats were shocked to read the Times report that the back-channel attempt of Iraqis to avert war, with Richard Perle as go-between, was blown off with the C.I.A. message, "Tell them that we will see them in Baghdad."

But the Bush brigade had many dovetailing reasons not to be dovish.

Mr. Rumsfeld thought the war could showcase his transformation of the military to be leaner and more agile. Paul Wolfowitz thought the war could showcase his transformation of Iraq into a democracy. Dick Cheney thought the war could showcase his transformation of America into a dominatrix superpower. Karl Rove thought the war could showcase his transformation of W. into conquering hero. And Mr. Bush thought the war could showcase his transformation from family black sheep into historic white hat.

But now Wolfie's messianic vision of growing democracy in the Middle East is at odds with Rummy's stubborn desire to shrink the Army.

Our military around the globe is tapped out, so strained by Iraq and Afghanistan, as the Times military correspondent Michael Gordon discovered, that a unit from the Army's Old Guard is even being dispatched overseas. The guard is best known for ceremonial duties such as standing vigil at the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery and serving in color guards for visiting dignitaries.

The Old Guard has not been deployed abroad since Vietnam.   

[Pokey78]

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From Oxblog:

IMMUTABLE LAWS OF DOWD

1. Ashcroft never deserves credit.

2. Offering constructive solutions to problems, instead of whining endlessly about them, is a sign of weakness.

3. The People Magazine principle: all political phenomena can be explained with reference solely to caricatures of the personalities involved ("Dubya" is stupid; "Poppy" is an aristocrat; Cheney is macho-man; etc.). Any reference to the common good or even to old-fashioned politicking is, like, so passe.

4. It is much better to be cute than coherent.

5. Maureen knows best. Her long years as a columnist (doing basically what your great-aunt Tillie does in the nursing home bull sessions, but getting paid for it) have given her deep insight into foreign relations, politics, welfare, the Constitution, and all other topics. To disagree with Maureen in any way is not only a sign of being wrong, it's a hallmark of pure evil...or at least membership in the NRA, which is pretty much the same thing.

6. It is usually possible and always desirable to name-drop and name-call in the same sentence.

7. The particulars of my consumer-driven, shamefully self-involved life reveal universal truths.

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Explanation of the Dowd/Douglas connection: by Miss Marple- 2/11/03

Ms. Dowd was escorted around New York and DC for many months by one Michael Douglas of Hollywood fame and fortune. She got to go to all the best parties, was photographed for the tabloids, and was picking out a gown to wear at the Oscars. Of course, Michael had become interested in her during Clinton's impeachment, when she had written some very anti-Clinton columns. After a few weeks of the Michael treatment, she began to write anti-Starr, ant-Newt columns, ignoring Clinton.

Then Clinton was acquitted by the Senate. In an amazing coincidence, Michael Douglas dropped Ms. Dowd like a hot potato, and instead picked up a hot tomato, Catherin Zeta-Jones, who subsequently bore him a son and they were married.

Ms. Dowd cannot get over her tragic loss. Her columns are increasingly anti-Bush, in the hope of impressing her lost love, Michael.

In addition, we think she has a secret crush on the President and is trying to get him to pay attention to her. Ha!

[CaptainK]

In the movie "The Untouchables," Sean Connery, a cop named Malone, instructs a naïve Eliot Ness on going up against gangsters.

Sean Connery handed Catherine Zeta Jones her Oscar.

[billorites]

What a crone.

[Cicero]

Every column this hormone-mad imbecile is allowed to write for the Op Ed page loses the New York Times that much more of its remaining credibility, such as it is.

I remember in the days of Anthony Lewis (which went on for years) that I asked a liberal friend how he could stand to read his columns, because they were always the same every week. He replied: "Read them? Of course not!"

I seriously doubt whether even liberals can stand to read Dowd. They may agree with her in hating Bush, but why would they want to read this garbage?

[okie01]

Could it be that Maureen is really recommending that Bush and Rummy employ "The Chicago Way"?

How would she react if Tikrit were levelled, Fallujah burned to a crisp?

Somehow, I doubt it would be with "Attaboys"...

[nothingnew]

The Bush crowd hurtled into Baghdad...

Hey Moreen...that "Bush Crowd" you phlegm about was the US Senate and Congress...

"get outta my facial!...What's your damage?!"

It sinks lower and lower into dementia, doesn't it?

FMCDH

[Miss Marple]

She is using the analogy to the "Chicago Way" because she thinks we won't use it.

She is wrong.

Bush always uses the same plan of action. He gives evildoers time to mend their ways. They are given multiple chances to do the right thing.

But when time is up, the hammer comes down.

[Moonman62]

Sean Connery handed Catherine Zeta Jones her Oscar.

Good observation. I bet Sorkin has cut her off, too.

[tet68]

The administration opened the can on these worms in Iraq. Are Americans now prepared to do what it takes?

Maureen, you sniveling worm, we've just been waiting for you.
Now that you've lit that stick of TNT, you gonna talk or fish?

Oh, and Vietnam?

Is that the best you can do?
I guess I'm just spoiled by Steyn.

[Zeroisanumber]

I seriously doubt whether even liberals can stand to read Dowd. They may agree with her in hating Bush, but why would they want to read this garbage?

Most of my more left-leaning friends dismiss Dowd as a "limo liberal", the others like her, but think that Friedman is a better writer who has his head screwed on straight.

[joesnuffy]

Thats what lt. Col West thought to....

[Miss Marple]

Coonel West will be given honorable retirement, with nothing more than a mild reprimand.

[leadhead]

Sean Connery handed Catherine Zeta Jones her Oscar. Good observation. I bet Sorkin has cut her off, too.

And a Moose gave her some cheese.

[whereasandsoforth]

Uh-oh. Spinster Dowd needs new batteries for her hand-held lover again. I wish she'd stock up and leave the rest of us alone.