FRN Columnists' Corner - "What Goes Around Comes Around" By Jonathan David Morris

Free Republic Network ^ | 10-31-03 | Jonathan David Morris

[Bob J]

Columnists' Corner

"What Goes Around Comes Around, or: The Case for Perpetual Recall "

By Jonathan David Morris

Wouldn't it be weird if, a year from now, Californians recall Arnold Schwarzenegger and replace him with Gray Davis? Yeah, I know it's not likely, but I wouldn't be so quick to rule it out. In fact, even as Arnold was winning by a landslide last Tuesday, California Democrat Bob Mulholland was on Fox News joking -- or "joking" -- that another recall was coming in a hundred days.

And it's not like stranger things haven't happened before. Remember that one time when Hillary got elected? That was pretty weird, too.

Now, make no mistake: Party pride is all that counts in our country. It's much more important than, say, actually believing in something. So if Democrats have been saying all along that the California recall would set a bad precedent, will it come as a surprise if they try to prove it? Of course not, no. But here's the real shocker: We, the people, may well come to enjoy perpetual recall -- and neither the Democrats nor the Republicans will enjoy this very much.

If it sounds like I'm talking about countrywide chaos here, that's because I am. Sort of. Except I don't think a string of recall elections would be so chaotic after all. When you have them here and there, sure, they're disruptive, but a whole mess of them might be the nearest thing to order we've ever known. Just imagine living in an America where elected officials are -- gasp! -- held accountable, and to such a rigorous degree that they learn to toe the line.

Not so bad, right? I dare call this fantasyland Heaven on Earth.

Let's stick with the Democrats for a moment. They say the recall sets a bad example. Gee, there's a surprise, politicians putting their own power ahead of the good of the people. I'd say that's unprecedented, but, well, it isn't.

Last year in New Jersey, for instance, the Democrats nominated Sen. Robert Torricelli for reelection despite his having been caught taking bribes. When polls turned sour, however, and it seemed like a Republican might win the seat for the first time in decades, Democrats swapped Torricelli with Frank Lautenberg, who went on to win handily in a race that wasn't his own.

This switcheroo came no less than a fortnight after the candidacy-filing deadline. Absentee ballots were already in the mail. Never mind the law, though. Who needs it? Certainly not these guys. They framed it as an issue of choice. It wouldn't be fair, they said, to deny New Jersey a valid alternative to the GOP's Doug Forrester -- even though they knew full well Torricelli was crooked when they nominated him months earlier.

It was strictly a power play. Even Torricelli himself admitted he was bowing out because "I've been a partisan all my life," adding that he wouldn't want to be "responsible for the loss of the Democratic majority in the United States Senate." Of course you wouldn't, Bob. Who would want that? Well, the people, for one, who handed the majority to Republicans. But even while the Dems lost control of the Senate, they still got away with breaking the rules in New Jersey, which isn't exactly fair to people like me who live there.

So now, a year after Torricelligate, we're supposed to believe California's long-standing recall law is wrong just because it's inconvenient for an incumbent Democrat? All of a sudden, California's state constitution is essentially unconstitutional? Sorry if I'm not buying that.

And I'm not buying that the recall set a bad precedent, either. If anything, it set a good one. I mean, if the fear is that similar such recalls will spring up all over the country, that's just too bad. Maybe elected officials will think twice about ripping us off from now on.

Gray Davis supporters made the case that his recall prevented him from doing the people's business. That's a valid criticism, right? Well, if, by the people's business, you mean doing favors for unions that got you elected, granting driver's licenses to illegal immigrants, and hiking taxes to account for your own errors, then I'd have to say no, it's not a valid criticism. In fact, if that's your definition of the people's business, then you can take said business and store it in a nice, dark place. Your workday is over. It's time to go home.

The same goes for the rest of 'em -- Republican, Democrat, Whig, or whatever. Davis isn't alone here. Politicians are fussing things up from sea to shining sea. Wherever there's a special interest in need of a back scratch, there's a politician with a manicure. Enough is enough already. If the threat of perpetual recall is what it's going to take to make politicians behave, then perpetual recall it is.

I can't be the only one who's tired of hearing people say, "Yeah, both parties are corrupt, but there's nothing we can do." If that's the case, then why do we call ourselves a democracy? Isn't our republic founded on the principle that we can make a difference, and that we should? And furthermore, if we haven't got faith in our own voice at home, what the hell are we doing spreading democratic ideals around the globe?

A few weeks ago, the California recall was nearly postponed by the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, which temporarily agreed with the ACLU's belief that some voting machines were too difficult to use and might therefore skew results. Personally, I'd like to settle this problem once and for all by ditching these confounded machines altogether and counting votes by hand in the public square. I don't care if it takes all night. I'll help you. Give me a call. But that aside, if the most technologically advanced nation in the history of mankind can't figure out how to vote for Arianna Huffington as opposed to Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Al Gore as opposed to Pat Buchanan, something's wrong.

Our government doesn't trust us to buckle up when we get behind the wheel, but meanwhile there's a motor voter law. Similarly, we blame Mortal Kombat and Marilyn Manson for every child with a few screws loose, but then we attach nobility to MTV's Rock the Vote campaign. Here's what I want to know: If Americans are powerless against remote forces like TVs and voting machines, why is there such an effort to get the vote out? If you're not capable of voting, shouldn't you just stay home? And why is it that an irregularly scheduled election scares our politicians so? Do the rules belong to the people, or do the people belong to the rules? And isn't it strange how the government gains power every time it tells us there's something we can't do on our own?

Lord Acton once said, "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

If there's something that frightens lawmakers on both sides of the political aisle, losing control is it. But if they're to work for us, and not us for them, we must hold this over their heads at all times. We mustn't ask for self-rule in this country. We must demand it. Immediately. While there's still time.

Imagine how Washington's army might've fared against the British if King George had nukes. Keep it in mind. We might fancy our government's benevolence now, but someday -- with help from partisan wrangling the likes of which I've outlined above -- we might not. We must cut it down to size to ensure that this day never comes.

And here's a crazy idea: Let's start with New Jersey.

Gov. Jim McGreevey had a hand in the Torricelli/Lautenberg scam. Nowadays, though, his approval numbers are in the mid-30s -- not quite as low as Gray Davis's 20-something mark, but comparable. So it'd be sweet karmic justice if the Garden State followed the Golden State in recalling the governor and replacing him with a local actor. I nominate Danny DeVito. If nothing else, at least we could team him up with Schwarzenegger for a sequel to Twins.

Such is the theater our politics have become.

© 2003 Jonathan David Morris

Jonathan David Morris is a political satirist based in New Jersey. You can catch more of JDM’s ramblings at www.readjdm.com.