[Chunga]

"Our top story tonight comes from the O.J. Simpson civil trial, where this week it was revealed that in his first interview with police, Simpson had refused to take a lie detector test. His reason -- it detects lies."

[KantianBurke]

"Who are safer drivers? Men, or women?? Well, according to a new survey, 55% of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fender-benders, while 78% blame men for most fatal crashes. Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100% because the math was done by a woman. [Crowd groans.] For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that that joke was written by a woman. So, now you don't know what the hell to do, do you? [Laughter] Nah, I'm just kidding, we don't hire women."

[ThinkDifferent]

"Secretary of State Madeline Albright has announced that she will represent the United States this summer at ceremonies marking the transfer of British Hong Kong to Chinese rule. President Clinton also plans to attend the event, but he will be representing China."