Let's see. VA first voted against secession, then changed her vote after SC attacked Sumter. She then had troops on the road to attack the federal arsenals at Harper's Ferry and Hamptom Roads before the vote to secede passed. In response to these sneak attacks, the federal forces placed artillery across the Potomac to protect Washington against another surprise attack, which a great many people in the South, including Jackson, were advocating. At this point, Washington was for all practical purposes under siege.
Just exactly where in this timeline do you believe Lincoln behaved appropriately?
BTW, I'm working off the top of my head here, so sequence could be a little off.