[Lazamataz]

Beer makes you look better to the opposite sex.

Beer makes you wittier and more intelligent, too. That's why, when getting drunk, I make it a point to get much louder -- to help people hear that increased wit and intelligence.

[WaterDragon]

Years ago I took a part-time job as a waitress in a local pub. One day I saw one of the pub's regular customers in a grocery store. I was puzzled because he looked so much seedier than in the evenings at the pub. Then, I kinda figured it out. I don't drink, but I'm sure the beer fumes had me a little high during work, and all the customers were not bad looking and their comments were usually pretty witty. It wasn't a bad job....VERY good tips, and the customers were pretty well-behaved.

[uglybiker]

Beer also cleans the palate, giving you fresh breath. That is why, after the opposite sex has noticed my good looks, I like to get reeeeeeeeal close to them....

and loudly demonstrate my increased wit and intelligence.

[stands2reason]

They also turn into Alan Jackson or Frank Sinatra. Or maybe that happens only at karaoke bars....

[sweetliberty]

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra or you socks. (Apparently this has happened to several people?!)
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, sexier, and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.