Replies

Memo

From: SECDEF
To: Attorney General

Subj: War on Terror

1. Something to be said for the LeMay/Harris idea. Any way we can get past the multiple violations of international law?

2. Any way we can find higher-priority law enforcement targets than AUC?

3. Maybe we can sic all those unemployed tobacco lawyers on the madrassas.

4. If Saudi Arabia gets nukes, wouldn't be a shame if they didn't follow OSHA guidelines for safety & surety? Accidents have been known to happen...

5. Didn't the Pakistani nuclear weapons facility (ahem, "compound") forget to pay the transfer tax on those machineguns? Gosh, maybe Treasury needs to be notified, it's been YEARS since we've had a high-profile BATF raid.

6. Up for another round at the Fort Myers golf course? I've got this new driver sitting in a corner of my office that keeps saying, "Hey, Don, you gotta get those silly pants on and see how much distance you can get!"

r/s,

"The Donald"

Memo

To: Secretary Rumsfeld
From: Attorney General Ashcroft

Subject: Ideas

1. If there is non-compliance with the Geneva Convention, we may have an out. I may check with that.

2. Yeah, I think we can move the AUC down on the list.

3. Sending trial lawyers against the madrassas? That is going too far. That goes BEYOND "grave breach" status. We can't do that unless they do it first.

4. Not to mention the pollution that results from violating EPA standards. And the NRC gets involved, too. You know, there are so many alphabet soup agencies who would want a piece of such an accident, I can understand why folks outsource.

5. You know the tip line. Best to have a flunky do it, though.

6. I kinda like Army-Navy Country Club better this time of year. Got a staffer who just got a Callaway ERC II. Maybe I can take it out for a test round...

7. Oh, the legal attache in Moscow called. Seems we got another tourist looking over Russian warbirds. Looks like your folks at Groom Lake (They are your folks, aren't they?) may get something new to play with...

r/s

John Ashcroft