[California74]

if you are not direct family, they normally won't tell anyone squat

In California, it's ILLEGAL for a doctor or medical facility to release any medical info (history, current procedures, etc.) about you to anyone- including your spouse!- unless you give written permission. You have to sign this paperwork when you go to the dr. to allow them to release info to your insurance company. Well, something like that.

[Canticle_of_Deborah]

In California, it's ILLEGAL for a doctor or medical facility to release any medical info

It's also illegal to refuse care to anyone!