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Fight the Death Merchants

EternalVigilance!! What a gift God has given you. If I didn't know better I would say you were my sister!! LOL! She is such a creative poet and even " talks" in poetic sentences. I am sure we are spiritual sisters though! Thanks for the poem.

ps.It is after 1:00am on the West Coast and I cannot sleep. I just am here praying and singing to God.

It's 4:00 am here, and I know what you're talking about.

Alot of progress was made in the last twenty-four hours in terms of shaking some very big political and legal trees.

We just need continue to pray that it will be effective, and in time to help this poor, defenseless young woman.

I will sing and pray with you for awhile. We can lift the pain and suffering from Terri, because there are two of us.

I can't sleep. I get reallly wound up at times life this I have to get King Vanity up at three to get him ready, takes about two hrs. to do.

We are going to mold him today down at Sacred Heart Hosp. for his new seating system.

He has strong ballistic movement and a big guy so transferring him is a challenge when he is excited. He can make his whole body rigid an a board and then go straight into flailing.

Luckily I have a freind/worker coming in at three to assist. We will be on the road untill this evening and then do it all over again to go meet with Oregon Freepers at a meeting place.

Here is the clencher my helper and I met and were had a relationshep last summer. My first in 13yrs. we agreed to end it but I like him and have feeling for him. I feel bad I treated him like a joke so I would not get my feeling hurt or feel rejected and I really do care for him.

Trying to get help with King Vanity is difficult as most do not last more than a couple of months with the difficult level of care he requires.

Well my friend will work day or night when I am in a bind and it is horrible because putting aside imtamate feelings and working together is so hard. I am thankful for his help, anybody help would be good.

We get along so good as friends/workers and King Vanity loves him too.

He brings a energy and smiles when ever he shows up, he shows up about every two days if I do not call just to see how we are doing. Torture I tell ya. Part of me is so grateful for his help as an employee and then part of me screams inside about the passion and love I have to put away.

I have not smelled a man or been attracted to one like this for 24yrs.

Argh it is tough when ya need someone and the flesh haunts you. I was successfully chaste for the last 13yrs untill last summer. Should have never gone there but glad I did but wish I didn't if I knew how important he would be as a helper.

We have a cieling lift but at the facility there is none and it will take four to five of us to manage his severe ballistic and hyper extending.

Now I have been sick to my stomach about our beloved Teri for two nights and shaking. She is hardly disabled in comparison to King. I cringe at the posters who condemn lives of the severly disabled just because they do not see the whole picture of understand that like King he has tested out years beyond his age with a very high IQ.

Sorry to go on but I am shaking like a leaf about this Teri tragedy and then to top it of started reading Marmera's homepage and really got sick at all the deaths.

I must be strong and continue to advocate Kings right and choice to life as many other careproviders need to do.

I have so many tears coming up with all this. My God the anger and thoughts of all those who don't friggen get it.

Then having our friend coming to help shamefully exhilarates me.
My ego gets in the way he is closer to King age and being Mrs. Robinson was sinfully exciting. But my sins are coming back to torment me, I need to go to confession but have been crying to much I cannot talk at times.

It is so much eaiser to obey you Lord, I am so sorry I took advantage of my relationship with you for the flesh. The temptation I gave into was not worth all the pain it caused.
Taking care of King and following the teachings of the Catholic church in our quiet little world seems to have had so many wrenches thrown in it the last months.

Teri being murdered and me being here in Oregon wanting to do unthinkable things to those invovled needs to be channeled for the good for all the severly disabled and their advocates.

Folks need to understand that agencies govt. and private do not want to get involved. If it were someone they could rehab. and put back into society as a worker and tax payer and say see look how we help the disadvantaged then it is a trophy.

Does not work that way with folks who are trapped in there body. We need respite and reliable help in care not someone poking around in our personal lives or handing out lame ideas. Yes everyone has a let's try this idea and believe me after 24 yrs we have tried everything even the quack stuff along with reputable rehab. We just want help with care with out the BS. My ex lover does that and the really messed up thing is since we had a personal relationship no one takes our working one serious. MY BAD. So my sons trust fund that pays for help will not put my friend on the payroll as they do others. I have to pay him under the table which is hard on me as my pay for being Kings round the clock careprovider is 30 dollars a day, plus medical ins. and room and board. So another screw up on my part for having had the affair.

Well I am going to shamefully enjoy work at three am as painful as it is.
No I am not mixed up. (sarcasm_)

It IS EASIER TO BE CHASTE and focas soley on being a careprovider with no other personal involvement! That is a word to others if they ever need the advice.

I cry maybe once a year and that is not easy. Now with a male around that I can no longer express my intamate feelings to along with Logan's birth and fight for life now Terri rights being taken away I am a basket case of emotions and crying daily. I pray that God is behind me regardless of the sin and that I am not dealing with a wolf in sheeps clothing that is confusing my emotions. God has to be number one so that I can restrain the pain and hurt that is crushing my heart in regards to Terri.

I apoligize for going on but I am so wound up with emotions I have tucked away for many many years and Pray to God I can fully return to being obediant.

J.Giels did a song years ago "LOVE STINKS" I think of that alot lately it may not stink but a hardended heart being softened and allowed to feel once again is very painful.

All of you posting your pain and tears here I hear and feel all of if and cannot even imaging the suffering of Terri's folks. It sucks big time.

Those of you that want a good arguement and discussion for once I would like to see some respect for others feeling in this very painful event GO the Hell somewhere else and be arrogant creeps.

Can't you go to a baseball or some other thread and enjoy debate. For God sake please leave the Terri threads in PEACE. OK I am done.