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It's been awhile since I saw this posted, but it seems appropriate here. Another Freeper originally posted this in response to a PETA statement that we carnivores love to torture our food, or something like that.

Recipe for Ham Roast

Ingredients:
One live pig.
One leather whip.
Restraint Stocks.
One Stun Gun, (50,000 volts)
3 cans pepper spray.
6 clothes pins.
One jar Glazing Sauce.
3 sq. feet sandpaper, 30 grit.
1 can sliced pinapple.
Peppercorns.
Handcuffs.
Salt.

Recipe:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Restrain the pig. Apply the clothpins to the 6 teats of the pig. Twist clothpins. Spray pepperspray into eyes of pig liberally. Rub skin off pig with sandpaper. Rub salt into wounds of pig. Whip pig with whip. Apply stun gun prods to pigs genitalia. Repeat these actions for 45 minutes.

Then make a roast. Serves 12.