Facts and common sense don't matter. Cub fans will not be satisfied until somebody has taken a vegetable peeler to his entire body and sprayed him down with lemon juice.
Ok, you're a Cub's fan and you're locked in a room with Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden and Bartman 'the goatboy'.
You have a gun with only two bullets.
What do you do?
You shoot 'the goatboy' twice.