WANTED: YOUR BEST FRENCH JOKES

Sense of Humor ^ | Moment of Truth Day 2003 | Enduring Freedom

[Enduring Freedom]

I need more jokes! Can you help?

[Big Horn]

Do you know how you can tell the French are preparing for war?
They are buying all the white cloth they can find.

[Enduring Freedom]

Like it!

[Flyer]

YOUR BEST FRENCH JOKES

France.

[Servant of the Nine]

Jaques Chirac

So9

[Enduring Freedom]

Succinct. To the point. A winner!

[Kevin Curry]

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? People were confused about which side to spit on.

[Enduring Freedom]

Monsieur Chiraq est un ver.

[Kevin Curry]

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." Mark Twain

[Enduring Freedom]

ROTFLMBFAO!

[EternalHope]

Personally, I think France has sunk way below being funny anymore.

But they are so stuck on themselves, it's probably worthwhile to laugh at 'em. The least we can do.. For now.

[Kevin Curry]

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." P.J O'Rourke (1989)

[Enduring Freedom]

Another zinger!

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals"!!!

[Adams]

Why are the french such good lovers?



Because their all P*ssies!

[billhilly]

This is not a joke, and it isn't French, but we need it anyway.


Subject: Germany - A Brief History


1871 - Bismarck founds modern Germany.

1890 - Bismarck sacked, warmonger Wilhelm II takes direct control.

1914 - Germany wages World War I 1914-1918. Germany kills millions of people.

1917 - Germany forces peace loving Americans to enter war.

1918 - Germany loses World War I.

1920's - Germans try democracy.

1933 - Germans reject democracy, allow Hitler to take power. VW and autobahn invented.

1939 - Germany starts World War II.

1939-1945 - Germany kills tens of millions of people.

1941 - Germany declares war on America.

1945 - Germany loses World War II big time.

1946 - Germans whine about lack of food, America gives billions $$ in food aid to feed them.

1947 - Germans whine about crappy economy, America gives billions $$ in Marshall Plan aid to rebuild German economy.

1948-1949 - America puts ass on line, pays with servicemen's lives and risks WW3 to save a few Berliners from Soviet hordes.

1949 - Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) established.

1950's - America spends billions $$ to defend West Germany from Soviet hordes.

1950's - German 'economic miracle' occurs while America keeps watch on Soviet hordes.

1955 - NATO formed to protect West Germany from Soviet hordes.

1960's - America spends billions $$ to defend West Germany from Soviet hordes.

1960's - German students protest war in Viet Nam and American civil rights.

1963 - American President John Kennedy makes "Ich bin ein Berliner" speech.

1970's - America spends billions $$ to defend West Germany from Soviet hordes.

1970's - Germans form the Marxist terrorist group Red Army Faction (RAF).

1970's - Leftist German guerrillas burn, loot, and plunder much of West Germany.

1980's - America spends tens of billions $$ to defend West Germany from Soviet hordes.

1980's - German leftists bitch about Pershing II missiles.

1987 - American President Ronald Reagan makes "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall" speech.

1989 - Gorbachev tears down Berlin Wall.

1990 - German Reunification.

1990's - America spends billions $$ to defend Germany from Islamic hordes.

1990's - Germany stands by as ethnic cleansing occurs in Balkans.

1993 - Germany joins European Union.

1995 - Americans send troops to Bosnia as Germans watch from the sidelines.

1997 - Germans finally send token number of troops to Bosnia.

1998 - Hard-line, left-of-left socialists come to power under Gerhard Schroeder.

1999 - America leads air war to save Kosovo as Germans watch from the sidelines.

2001 - Schroeder offers solidarity to America after 9/11 attacks.

2002 - Schroeder bashes America to distract voters during election campaign.

2003 - Germany sees rise in anti-Americanism after several decades of poor treatment from America.

AND YOU THOUGHT THE FRENCH WERE A BUNCH OF UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS

[Mark]

THE BUNNY AND THE SNAKE

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived
an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a
surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.


One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and
the snake was slithering through the forest, when the
bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of
course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my,"
said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to
hurt you.


I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm
going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even
know what I am."


"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my
story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been
blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell
you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work
out what you are, so at least you'll have that going
for you."


"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So
the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said,
"Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really
long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft
cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny
rabbit."


"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in
obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake,
"Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help
you the same way that you've helped me."


So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked,
"Well, you're smooth, scaly, and slippery, and you
have a forked tongue, no backbone and no testacles.


I'd say you are definitely French".

[InterceptPoint]

Raise both hands over your head and say to your audience: "What am I?"

Answer: A Frenchman practicing for war.

[Flyer]

Succinct. To the point. A winner!

Cool. I can add that to the 2 BINGO's I have accumulated over the years. My trophy room is getting full.

[MatthewViti]

This is what I heard from someone:

When the Germans were walking backwards into France the French asked why they were walking backwards. The Germans said they were just leaving.

[DainBramage]

You know why French men are considered good lovers?

They are all Pu$$ies.