Posted on 06/28/2002 8:53:30 AM PDT by Just another Joe
FMCDHI solly if hurt anyone today...the fire has my hair standing up on the back of head)
Reminds me of the old joke..........
What did the Japanese man say to his wife as he threw her his shirt that had a hole in it?
Awe Sew!
And what did she say as she ripped off her blouse?
Nipponese!
About midway the Texan says, "I gotta take a leak."
The Alaskan says, "Me too."
So, making sure no one is watching, they proceed to relieve themselves.
Suddently the Texan screams.
The Alaskan asks, "What's wrong?"
The Texan replies, "Damn, that water is cold."
The Alaskan then responds, "And deep, isn't it?"
OK...fergit the berries for now...I'm taking the dogs out now to check the mail...hope I see a lampshade there...
Smokey here, and the dogs don't really want to go out, unless I'm with them...Later Friend.
FMCDH
From the h2g2 website:
Has a gin and tonic ever saved you from one of those close afternoons that clings wherever you hide, refreshing your muggy brain from the inside? If it has, you will understand the appeal of this grand old drink to cricket players, especially those who have ventured onto the sub-continent's parched ovals, and may find points of interest in the words that follow. If, however, your preference is for the sticky charms of rum and coke or similar commercial inventions, this entry may be too austere for you.
Aspersions have been cast upon gin ever since the secret of its inexpensive manufacture became known in Britain about 200 years ago, advancing its popularity with the lower classes and simultaneously drawing moral indignation from their social superiors. Being blind on expensive claret and brandy was apparently a more civilised inebriation in Georgian London than to be drunk on gin, giving rise to a number of derogatory gin-isms that continue to undermine the true nature of this brave spirit.
The best-known survivor among these is 'mother's ruin', a term that came from British soldiers' taste for gin while on leave, and the maternal state this induced in those women who shared their off-duty conviviality. Yet from these rather shabby origins has come one of civilisation's finest creations, a drink that could just be the best cooler ever - gin and tonic.
British Tommies' love of gin made it the perfect antidote to the bitter-tasting extract from the bark of the Cinchona calisaya tree, which was added to their drinking water by command. Known as quinine, this extract was the only remedy known to moderate malaria, a substantial problem for European troops stationed in India.
But, although its inclusion in the soldiers' drinking water significantly reduced the incidence of malaria, the bitter taste of quinine made the water almost undrinkable; unless, that is, it was accompanied by a large shot of gin. Hey presto! The gin and tonic. It is debated whether the final twist of lemon or lime is a military attempt to foil scurvy or the inspired invention of an unknown imbiber, but its added zest is essential to the thrust of a good G and T.
If I couldn't taste the Tanqueray, why would I specify it? To each his own, I guess. ;)
Extra dry, shaken, not stirred, and ... since I am just a humble guy, your choice of gin. Except, don't make it Beefeater's. Beefeater's tastes like good gin flavored with Channel No. 5.
And, here are a couple of jokes for all.
------------------------------
The class assignment
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week.
Little Ben got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Krup, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said little Ben. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
------------------------------
The frog
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class."
------------------------------
Clever Divorce
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares ... Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
Did I tell ye the joke about the three fellas using the bathroom off the edge of the bridge.
One was from Arkansas.
Git it?
Nope. Never saw Slingblade.
There’s something wrong, Lord I’m feeling a chill
That runs through my heart like a torch cuts through steel
You haven’t said a word, are you feeling it too
Is it cold in here or is it just you
Did I leave the door wide open and let the chill just kill this old desire
Should I put my arms around you or put another log on the fire
Is it my imagination or did the temperature just drop a notch or two
Is it cold in here or is it just you
There’s no warmth at all when I try to hold you near
You stare into space as if I wasn’t here
Did our love just die or is it just about to
Is it cold in here or is it just you
Yeah. Uhhuh. I reckon.
It's worth going out and getting, dude. One of Billy Bob Thornton's early ones, I guess... Billy Bob plays this retarded dude who gets let out of the local asylum down in Mississippi or something, after decades of being locked away for whacking his mother and her lover...
There's a review here-- I think it's a stoopid review but it'll give you an idea of what it's about. My buds and I rent this movie every once in a while, get some 12-packs of Miller and sit around laughing our asses off. One of my personal favorites.
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