7 Movies That Are All About Kiddie Sex (Flashback)

Funny Or Die ^ | August 17, 2013 | Jason Tyrell Michaels

[Parody]

Well, these are the parameters laid out in the article. As with Kids, Private Lessons, and Taxi Driver, Pretty Baby was probably disqualified because Brooke Shields' character was indicated to be 13 years old. (That makes her one of those "teens played by... actual teens" since she actually was 13 in 1978) As he says, every piece on his list is "...tweens and kids in the single digits [having sex]."

[xp38]

Pretty Baby was banned in Ontario at the time it was released although if one lived near the border one could have gone to Quebec NY or Michigan I imagine to see it.

[Parody]

"Roman Polanski pleading to essentially a slap on the wrist for raping a child."

Anally raping her, no less; and in California, where Governor Newsom just signed a bill into law allowing judges to reduce the legal penalties for doing that. I'll bet Polanski's regretting having fled to Europe over that incident now. (He fled because contrary to his expectations when plea-bargaining, he was going to have to spend some time in prison, though it was still a pretty light sentence as I recall.) The legislature's fig-leaf justification for passing that bill was that the penalties for anally or orally sodomizing an underage child (of either sex) were higher than for vaginal rape, so they were equalizing them; it didn't occur to anybody to try raising the penalties for vaginal rape instead?

Incidentally, something a lot of people don't seem to have noticed in the transcript of his victim's heartbreaking testimony: the lawyer asks her whether she knows what sex is, and whether she's had any before, and she answers both questions in the affirmative. She was thirteen at the time. If that's how things were in California then (when it could still give its electoral votes to Ronald Reagan in 1980 and 1984), I'd probably hate to see how much further along on its slide into depravity the state is now when it's a one-party Democrat-run hellhole.

[Drew68]

(He fled because contrary to his expectations when plea-bargaining, he was going to have to spend some time in prison, though it was still a pretty light sentence as I recall.)

There was some shadiness surround Polanski's case. He pled guilty to a lesser charge, the more serious ones were dismissed, and he was ordered to spend 90 days in the mental hospital in Chino Prison. He served around 40 days and was released. After he was released, the judge threw out the plea bargain and re-sentenced Polanski to 50 years in prison. At this, he fled the country.

[dainbramaged]

From Milan to Minsk.

[dfwgator]

Blame It on Rio, immediately comes to mind.

[lastchance]

With the deserved outrage over Cuties I do have to ask, how are the routines from “Dance Mom” that much different?

[Hootowl99]

Blast it, it isn’t kiddie porn but one of the movies named in the article was M, the 1931 movie directed by Fritz Lang and starring a very young Peter Lorre as the evil murderer. A disturbing movie that I don’t want to see again. It was one of the first talkie movies and in German with English subtitles. Peter Lorre is about the best creepy, slimy actor I’ve seen.

While in college 3 buddies and myself took a class about the best of early classical movies, where the M movie was one of the movies in the syllabus. We were 2 stem and 2 business majors and didn’t really want to stretch our brains too much for the humanities elective that had to be checked off. So, it was me and the three buddies, the football and basketball teams. Perfect class for a gimme A grade. We all needed a second humanity class so the next semester took another course by the same prof that was a history of rock music, 1920s-50s evolution. Same deal, the 4 buddies from the dorm, football and basketball teams and gimme A.

[Hootowl]

Two left off the list, “The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane” featuring a nude 12 or 13 Jodie Foster leaving no doubt she’s bonking her underage boyfriend, and “Gigi,” about an adult man grooming a teenage girl to be his mistress. No explicit sex involved but the idea should have been repugnant to every feminist in the world.

[Parody]

Read the IMDB pages on that one: actually, while The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane is indeed about a 13-year-old character played by a 13-year-old Jodie Foster (which disqualifies it from the list in any case, since that was specifically stated to be about 12-and-under characters), the sex scene with her similarly underage boyfriend was actually her 20-year-old sister Connie Foster in a wig. Granted, the trivia page indicates Jodie was pretty upset about that scene being included in the movie anyway, and denounced one of the producers as a pervert who wanted her to show some skin...

As for Gigi, again: "We're not talking about trashy movies in which teens played by twenty-somethings or even by actual teens get all wildly promiscuous on-screen, we're talking about tweens and kids in the single digits doing the four-legged frolic." So again, presumably left off the list because it was disqualified.

[Loud Mime]

I watched some cuts from Cuties and was shocked at how the girls acted. The visuals, such as how they dressed and flaunted their youth, were something that you saw at malls prior to covid time, but their behavior was outright nasty.

Cuties is just one problem. Youth beauty pageants and dance competitions are others. All have their focus on Hollywood.

[Parody]

Yes, well, as the article says, M is disqualified because "...even a crime story involving child rape and/or prostitution do[es] not make the movie all about kiddie sex." I've seen that movie, and if you're paying attention, one of the police units trying to track down that child-killer character played by Peter Lorre is the "Sexual Crimes Division" and they all know they're looking for a male culprit, so yeah... probably just as well all of those crimes take place off-screen (even though their discretion leaves you wondering whether the guy is some kind of necrophile as well, considering one police investigator's telling another "You know about the state in which we find them after that" about his victims); certainly nothing glorifying his crimes or sexualizing his little victims in there, though.

[Hootowl]

Given that the thread was about movies that featured kiddie sex (and I think 13 year olds are still kids even if you don’t), the fact that a body double stood in for Jodie Foster does not disqualify the movie as having portrayed kiddie sex. As to “Gigi,” the premise is morally repugnant.

[Parody]

Given that the thread was about an article about movies featuring kiddie sex, and that the article in question set the parameters which excluded teenagers (including, yes, 13-year-old Jodie Foster), that disqualifies the movie from the article's list regardless of my opinions or yours. I dare say a lot of college students in their early twenties are "still kids" by some definitions, but that doesn't make movies about them having sex movies that belong on the list.