Posted on 03/06/2020 5:25:14 AM PST by WakeUpAndVote
Silliness is defined as engaging in “a ludicrous folly”,[1] showing a “lack of good sense or judgment”,[2] or “the condition of being frivolous, trivial, or superficial”.[3] In television, film, and the circus, portrayals of silliness such as exaggerated, funny behavior are used to amuse audiences. Portrayals of silliness, provided by clowns and jesters, are also used to lift the spirits of people in hospitals.
I’ve missed this thread! Thanks for reviving it!
h/t Leo...
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.
The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say ‘1-2-3.’ When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want.”
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”
“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,’” the medicine man responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved,took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes,and then she asked, “What was the 1-2-3 for?”
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Dr. Geezer: An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.” Dr. Young: “Aaagh ! -This is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, - that is Gasoline!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak - I can hardly see anything! Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “ Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill). Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!” Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
...or not to funny; that is the question.
A Jewish man tells his Rabbi, “My wife is trying to poison me! I’m sure she’s putting it in my food.”
The Rabbi replies, “NO! She’s a good woman, I’ll talk to her.”
A week later, the man asks the Rabbi, “Well, what did you find out?”
The Rabbi puts his hand on the man’s shoulder, and says, “I talked to your wife for THREE HOURS.....Take the poison.”
Reminds me of the cemetery caretaker who came upon a man sobbing uncontrollably over a gravestone.
“You must have loved that person very much!”
“Never met him,” the weeping man answered. “He was my wife’s first husband.”
If you are starting a ping list, I’d like to be on it!
Thank you!
LOL!
Thanks for reviving this thread ;o)~
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .’My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.’
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,
San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes,
Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
‘Which one?’ I asked.
‘The patch.’
‘The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I’m running out of places to put it!’
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
‘How long have you been bedridden?’
After a look of complete confusion she answered,
‘ Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.’
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson,
Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .’ So how’s your breakfast this morning?’
‘It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,’ Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf,
Detroit
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green
and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .’ Keep off the grass.’
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, Which said, ‘Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.’
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!!
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB,
I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said . . ..
‘ I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?’
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
’ No doctor but the song you were whistling was,
‘ I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’
Dr. Wouldn’t submit his name....
1 MORE
Baby’s First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.
‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,
‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.’
Thanks so much for posting this. It is a nice break from the rest of the world.
Rick’s sensible corona advice: If you are alone home in bed by yourself you should still wear a mask. If you are male you should also wear a prophylactic. Also, current research has shown that bare ass farts can pass along the virus so you should also wear an adult diaper. Just think if you are alone in your house and naked and you walked down the hall and passed gas. Five minutes later a burglar walks down the hall and passes through the gas cloud and you hear him say “awe, awe, weak dude” and then you shoot him with a shotgun. At least you won’t get blamed for giving him the virus. If you end up going to jail wear a hat or you will look stupid in a jail cell wearing just a mask and a rubber and a diaper. Make sense?
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