Posted on 03/26/2017 8:14:16 PM PDT by honurider
Yes these shorts are fun but this one was just 50 or so words to long, and I liked the ‘feel’.
The story is actually an ‘up to dated’ version of three interviews with different Veterans of the ‘Vietnam conflict’. One was a member the 299th a “Koa” in Hawaii National Guard he lost both legs. Another was a medic with two ‘bush’ tours, he saw an incredible amount of carnage, unadulterated war.
The last was based on the stories of a South Vietnamese regular Col. he and his family (9 people) became refugees and from tent city at Camp Pendleton came to stay with us in our house. I was 14/15 at the time.
Terror because of war had become a ‘norm’ for many of those in Vietnam for many years. And as always the children became pawns. Not whining here, just stating a fact.
Oh well to much again. Thank you for the response.
You obviously have the talent. Please keep your style. If you start adding long flowery descriptive fluff, it will become so boring. Many authors lose their own voice that way.
First of all, keep writing. Writers write.
I was going to do a rewrite/ edit-on-the-fly as the poster did for you in comment 8, but I am short of time as always.
Same observations as you’ve already seen, especially about mixing verb tenses & writing from inside your protagonist’s perspective. It is possible to write a tight composition - by that I mean conveying all the sensory info needed while not being wordy - that puts the reader *there*.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.