Posted on 07/25/2014 5:52:33 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO top 10!!!! TGIF!!!!!
TOP 5!!!!
Cooking up
some
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You Are a Generous Cook |
The things you cook tend to be crowd pleasers. You don't mind making a dish time and time again. Of all the types, you are the most likely to give away your food. You're often baking or cooking for someone. You're also the type least likely to experiment drastically. You're already a good cook... why mess with what works? |
Top 10!!!
Happy Friday!
Top Ten again, Baby! Two weeks in a row!
Top 10
top ten?
How do I need thee? Let me count the ways
I need thee every time I mistakenly trash a file
I need thee when my laptop slows to a crawl
and when my server has crashed
I need thee when my system has been infected
with horrible malware
and when I forget the password that I set up just yesterday
I need thee with a confidence that I seem to lose
when errors pop up all over my screen
I need thee with the breath,
Smiles, and tears, of every hour I spend at work
and, if I get safely home tonight,
I shall but need thee again tomorrow
No - top nine - you blew it !
;-)
My admins eyes are nothing like the sun
He wears glasses and needs a flashlight to look into the backs of racks
of servers
Poets speak a language far easier on the ears
and, if the network moves data more quickly than I can imagine,
still he lumbers into the data center like a bear
If cables be tools, long black tools drag behind him as he moves
I have seen whiteboards covered with red and blue,
But no words or phrases describe what is in his head
And in most septic tanks there is more delight
Than in the sigh that emits from his mouth when I ask a question
I need to hear him speak, yet well I know
That the ravings of a lunatic might have a far more pleasing sound
I grant I never saw a knight stride by
My admin, when he walks, shuffles his feet and looks at the floor
And yet, by all that I have seen, I think my admin as rare and as precious
As any with whom he might be compared
One is utterly useless ornamentation. The other is a bobblehead.
I said, "It is all under control. It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, What is it?"
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs in the cloud. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off... Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed....
Finally, the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: 'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait!' he screamed. That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES...
Doctor’s Exam
A Muslim immigrant goes to a Doctor in Houston, Texas and says “I feel terrible”.
The Doctor examines him and then says “You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head hold your face over the bucket and inhale the vapors for 3 days”.
The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says “I feel wonderful!! What was wrong with me?”
“You were homesick”.
Top 20?
Here Is The 2700 Page Obama Care Law Condensed To 4 Sentences ..
1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured.
2. Next, we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured.
3. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured.
4. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became un-insured, and then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so that the original un-insured can be insured free of charge.
Now I understand.......................................
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