First of all, I offer my sympathy to you. I have been dealing with the same thing. After my Mom passed, my Dad (age 96) wanted to live at an assisted living facility. That worked very well for for about two years......until he developed dementia. They could no longer keep him, but he wasn’t quite ready for a nursing home.
We built an apartment in our walk-out basement for him and brought him home. Yes, he is a handful. But he still is able to shower, feed and toilet himself. He is paranoid, cranky, delusional, wanders about and needs someone to check on him.
I am up and down the stairs a dozen times a day with his food, pills, snacks and just tending to him.
My husband and I spend a couple of months a year in Arizona and I have a wonderful neighbor (retired nurse) who comes to check on him three times a day while we are gone. She does his meds, light cleaning, laundry, amd visits with him. I pay her $200 per week. I consider it a real bargain.
He is beginning to fail quite rapidly now and I know that a nursing home is coming shortly. I’m over 70 and have my own health issues, but I love him dearly and will keep him here as long as I can. My husband has been a tremendous help and support. I couldn’t do it without him.
Good luck. I know how difficult it can be.
I agree with others, it may be better to put her in some sort of facility. I know with my MIL we had people who just didn’t do what they were supposed to do and if we had been able to be there with her to be sure they did their job then we wouldn’t have needed them in the first place.
She’s in an assisted living home now and it is wonderful, we don’t have to worry about her.
we hired a trusted cousin who needed a job. we fill in when we can.
grayhog,I’m glad you posted this as I’m presently going through the same thing with my 96 year old mother. Had visiting Angels with here for most of 2013 did a great job they said they would give me a special rate for 24 hours at $260/hr the only problem is the Visiting Angels were non medical folks so they couldn’t do here meds. There are other complications but it appears that we are going to be faced with hiring a live in nurse. Good luck to you I know it’s not easy. Prayers up.
Have you looked into Residential Care Homes for the Elderly (RCFEs), aka “care homes” or “board and care”? Around here they charge appx $5K per month for the type of care you describe; in larger cities can go to $10K/month. My mother required turning to avoid bed sores and this type of facility worked out great for her.
Don't be afraid to learn some of the skills she needs yourself. I worked in a nursing home but had absolutely no patient care experience or training. I was a maintenance mechanic. I met a CNA working there and on a date she became a quad and after we married I became her husband & caregiver. That was 29 years ago. I learned to do the care by our co-workers & friends training me and the hospital also taught me a lot before she came home. Plus my wife know enough to talk me through things I wasn't sure about because she had done them before.
In 29 years we've used Home Health maybe 24 total visits. The nurses show me once or twice and I take it from there. I also did most of my dads Hospice with my mom and nieces help.
Some people can do a family members home care and some can't. It's not a personal failure if a person can't handle it emotionally or knowledge wise. But it is good to have skilled knowledge you can access 24/7 if you do meaning a nurse on call.
Lock up the valuables...and keep a close watch on the checks you write.
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Yes. Took care of both mom and dad. Mom after hip replacement surgery was put in a rehab facility and promptly over dosed on oxycontin until she was looney. Then they worked up (the “staff” moron doctor did) an alzheimer’s diagnosis based on her drug reaction. We got her home for home care and to wean her off the oxycontin. Rate then (this was 2005) was 17/hour, with certified sitters at night, skilled nursing in the day.
Became impossible financially. Once weaned and back to normal with limitations, we placed mom in Assisted Living and she loved it, then gradually fading, moved “down the hall” to full nursing. All of this was much less than home care.
Word to the wise: take out everything of value in the home, all the silver, collectibles, spoons, gold, coins collections.... whatever. The people are bonded— but they steal. We caught two (both of them Indian women from India) on their hands and knees picking up a secreted silver serving spoon we had “lost”. Swore out a warrant on them and demanded a full refund for their entire time paid... and got it.
It is tough to care for our loved ones with the goal of comfort and personal dignity. Hope this has helped. Go with Assisted Living if possible, first. Never hospice at home, and only hospice facility if there is pain (as in terminal cancer), because they will push morphine on any patient, who will then no longer be hungry and will simply starve and dehydrate to death (from the morphine). Morphine is fine if terminal cancer or pain, but naught else. Also, keep in mind that the decision for hospice puts your loved one in the care of the hospice physician (no longer any personal physician involved— legally is detached from the care).
In my area, NC, elder sitters go for about $20 an hour. Close to $500 a 24 hour day.
Found that out with my mother recently.
HECK!!! That’s about what I make. Do you pay under the table?
That is absolutely ridiculous.
My prayers for you mum and God bless you for being so dedicated and caring for her. She is a blessed woman and has a fantastic family.
Hello everyone. In regards to my previous post. I am a highly skilled engineer with a full manufacturing facility to back me up. If there is something any of you that can imagine that will help care for our elderly loved ones let me know. It seems ridiculously expensive that it is going to cost so much for someone to “turn” their loved ones. Heck. When I am that infirmed I’ll strap myself in to one of my CNC machines and program it to take care of all my needs.
This is a serious offer from a serious manufacturer. It may seem callous and cold but technology is a wonderful thing.