Posted on 04/02/2014 9:37:09 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
The editor missed some flaws if he did. Actually, I think the kids are supposed to create these essays with no help. Be that as it may, Admissions is probably more concerned about the ideas than the expression, especially for pre-med and/or music.
You’re correct that the essay has some flaws; however, if an editor did read and correct it (apparently none did), it would be no more than many professional writers do with their manuscripts.
"I just want to say that being chosen this month's Miss August is, like, a compliment that I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but, my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children!"
You're right.
“I also now take music in my life.” Which means what????
Examples of arrogance and conceit:
“While onstage as Big Jule in Guys and Dolls during my favorite musical [poor grammar] , I helped create a wonderful atmosphere in the school auditorium by singing and dancing.”
To have enjoyed participating in the performance is one thing, or to have found it an enriching experience for hisself would be one thing, but to narcissiticly imply he knows how anyone in the audience felt, about his performance itself, is just arrogant nonsense.
As I become lost in these conversations , I create blissful memories in which I am truly part of my communit’s culture and eventually it’s history.
NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE knows they ever “create blissful memories” for anyone but themself, and becoming part of history is NOT known or knowable to participants at the time - even if one makes believe THEY are “making history”.
I won’t go one; that is so much intellectual flatulence in the essay.
This music nerd punched all the right intellectual buttons in the academic industrial establishment. He was in his way “preaching to the choir” like an old time evangelist and they all said Amen and Halleluja.
Talk about poor writing. For someone who is supposed to be incredibly smart you’d think he would have be able to write flawlessly.
Following grad. from U of M medical school (12th in his class) he went on to the University of Pittsburg Medical school where he did his residency in surgery for a few years ...
Approx. 6 years ago he made it to Harvard. He was chosen for a 2 year fellowship in their Thorasic Surgery program and spent his time at Massachusettes General in downtown Boston.
He got a lot of job offers from hospitals across the country but chose to finally come home and accepted a position with Royal Oak Beaumont here outside Detroit. After two years he accepted a new position with St. Johns Hospital on Detroit's east side where he is only about 2 miles from home........
Here’s a little story: While my nephew was working in the emergency room at the Pittsburgh hospital one weekend, a guy came in with burns on his arm and my nephew treated him. During the treatment the conversation turned to hockey and the guy, finding out that my nephew was all alone down there in Pittsburgh and enjoyed hockey, invited him to a party the following weekend.
So my nephew decides to go to the party and as it turns out, the guy he treated was one of the owners of the Pittsburgh Penguins and many of the attendees were past Penguins players! So one thing leads to another and these guys invite my nephew to play pickup hockey with them at the Penguins ice rink.
So here’s my nephew, attending med school in Pittsburgh and the only friends he has down there are his fellow med school buddies and no means to play the sport he loves and grew up playing, suddenly being invited to play hockey with ex-Penguin pros in their own arena!
It doesn’t stop there tho, the ex-Penguin players were constantly doing charity games and asked my nephew to play with them. Unfortunately his med school schedule severely limited his participation but he was able to play in many of them.
But it doesn’t stop there! A number of years ago when the Detroit Red Wings won a Stanley Cup, my nephew was home for the series and attended the winning game here in Detroit with his parents and his cousin. At the end of the game, he got a call from a friend who he skated with in Pittsburgh and was an ex NHL player turned financial advisor to a number of NHL players and the guy invited him and my other nephew to the party spot where the new Stanley Cup champion Red Wings were going to celebrate.
So Michael and Scott are standing outside in the line and he calls his friend who immediately comes outside and escorts them inside the bar where the celebration was going on…………..
That was pretty cool……..
I would be interesting to compare this to his essay that he wrote for his SAT exam...you know, the one you have to do where you CANNOT receive any “help”.
Great story. He’s leading a charmed life.
So? That does nothing to support the assertion that this is due to race. The essay was quite original, and on that basis alone likely impressed the admission personnel.
Acceptance to every Ivy League school is academic equivalent of winning the powerball lotto. And he won because of his race, sorry.
Yes, it's like winning the lottery. And, once again, this proves it was racially based HOW? An assertion without any facts to back it up, which makes it look a lot like prejudice. No wonder you're apologizing.
I'm surprised at the knee-jerk responses here sometimes.
What?
Every college orchestra is running short on Viola players.
How embarrassing for the USA that we have degenerated to this level.
Did you actually read the "essay"?
Do you realize that he was number ELEVEN in his graduating class from a mediocre High School?
I am NO brainiac however this essay received admission to ALL Ivy
Leagues WE are in DEEP DOGGIE DOO DOO! This is a shame that
this work is considered exemplary!!! Our kids are being dumbed down
and NOW common core will definitely finish the job!!!!
Yes, it’s like winning the lottery. And, once again, this proves it was racially based HOW? An assertion without any facts to back it up, which makes it look a lot like prejudice. No wonder you’re apologizing.
This kids grades/test score/essay are nothing special. Yet he was admitted to EVERY Ivy. I know many people who were accepted to Ivy schools. I had a friend with a perfect GPA and near perfect SAT who did not get admitted to Harvard. He was accepted by Yale. That is pretty typical. Nobody gets accepted by every Ivy unless they are a brilliant prodigy. There is no evidence this kid is anything more than a regular student with solid grades/scores.
If this kids name was Samuel Steinberg with those scores/grades he would not have run the table on admissions. As somebody else said: it’s a game and this kid played it well. There is intense competition for the top minority students. College admissions is completely race normed system these days and young Kwasi benefits from that.
with services that offer to write the essay for the student, I SERIOUSLY doubt this essay did anything.
nothing diminishes his current standards sat score, I think you are right about the formula especially with computer generated gibberish being accepted in peer reviewed science journals.
Damn that’s funny! Reminds me of the add with the beauty queen being asked what she would do to save the planet: “Which planet?”
As you know, it may not get a female admitted but the white male can get accepted with a lower SAT.
looks good
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