Posted on 01/02/2014 9:12:00 AM PST by Lazamataz
It was a defining moment of his presidency when he picked up the phone and set in motion a series of events that scrambled armies of environmental workers, rescue teams and even the Army Corpse of Engineers to deal with the catastrophic spill that left a massive 14 square inches of fairway covered in oil under his cart.
““Barry rolled over, swatting the Blackberry across the room as he awoke, it’s dulcet microspeaker tones squaking yet another mangled Muzak version of “The Internationalle” and thinking he’d have to get Val to change that prior to the start of his third term of office.””
Classic.... Both funny and frightening.
Me asthma.
I see what you did there.
5.56mm
““We should have known we were on the road to victory as Presiden Bhoner snipped the red ribbon, abolishing the last of the hated border crossings and secured his place in history as the greatest Democrat president of the 21st century, yet we sat in stunned awe at the eloquence with which he ushered in the new age.””
We were literally in tears.
Sandra stormed out of the pharmacy and gunned the Jag up 95 on the way to her beachfront Miami estate, cursing the right wing as she slammed back her triple latte mocha espresso and wondering how in the world she would ever afford to have sex again.
No one really understood why Joe showed up to the anti Gun meeting with a duck call and a new Mossberg shotgun to instruct women on self defense techniques, firing at imaginary migrating drones in the sky and but hey, it was Joe and he does these things from time to time...
Don’t laugh. That describes the attempts by the late Digital Equipment Corporation to institute company-wide “SIX SIGMA” as the company collapsed in tattered ruins during the early 1990s.
The bartender at Ron’s Right Corner found it a bit awkward when a communist, traitor and liar entered the pub, but being the sociable sort he asked, “Hey Mr Bhoner, whattl’ya have?
“Fisk quietly entered the room in total darkness, unseen. As he felt for the desk drawer handled in the darkness, suddenly a light came on, nearly blinding him. He felt a quiver of uncertainty bordering on fear like Texas borders Mexico. He tried to place the type of light as his eyes adjusted to it. Was it from an LED bulb? CFL? Or had Fisk somehow stumbled into the lair of a renegade who still bitterly clung to incandescents? The possibility put a chill in his bowels like a Big Gulp drunk too quickly.”
Unable to cope with their second devastation loss in a row, the money men, the true power behind the RNC gathered in secret, their stern faces and steely eyed determination apparent to all as Reese thundered “ENOUGH! NEVER AGAIN! We need someone to salvage this mess...someone who doesn’t know the the meaning of the lord ‘lose’... Gentlemen we need a victory here and to get it we need someone who knows all about winning GET ME SHEEN ON THE PHONE NOW!
ROFL
LOL
Call me Rahm Immanuel. It was the best of times and the worst of times inside the beltway...
Moving his way through the Galactic Empire’s slave auction, the disguised Captain Hand Solo finally spotted his trusted, loyal, and captive friend Chewthwacka standing in irons, a skirt about his waist to hide his massive charms, then asked (in broken alien), “How much is that Wookie in the dirndl?”
Would that I had been more attentive to professor Jenkins’ lecture on “Anitidaethropes” in my abnormal psychology veterinary class, even though that knowledge would be of little use to me know, standing face-to-beak with the largest flock of were-ducks in Burbank.
“I will never submit to your lustful advances,” cried Princess Beatrice, as the wealthy, powerful, muscular and strikingly handsome Count Bertrand slowly adjusted his mink gloves, “for at least another half-hour!”
“You look ravishing, my dear”, said Leopold “Daddy” Kriegmarks to the nubile, yet buxom, pupil-less alien girl, as he admired her skin tight space suit and long curly blond hair; yet she had become fascinated by the jumping iguanas of this far-off planet.
From his glass enclosure, Vladimer lay in embalmed silence, oblivious to the flurry of activity around him, never realizing that he’s been taken from his honored place in Mother Russia and secreted away to an estate deep in the American heartland where he was being freshened up so serve as a new kind of figurehead: Republican candidate for President in the 2016 election.
Hey, I remember that briefing slide. I won a round of Bullsh*t Bingo from that diatribe.
That was Ol’Bill alright, and he earned the title of being the “Red Adair” of the fertilizer industry... a man they claimed has personally covered 20 million square miles in brown. Yet when called on to help promote Obamacare, he, being an honest man, turned the job down for lack of resources.
It was cheers, smiles and backslaps around at the RNC when the international committee announced that the group had dominated the voting and taken home the 2013 prize for Absurdity...
John caressed her cheek and gently let his hands run down her body, stroking the cellulite-lased folds, and giving him a sensation of both excitement and horror of discovering uncharted territory, much like Sir Edmund Hillary climbing Mount Everest.
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