Posted on 06/04/2013 3:01:46 PM PDT by ladyjane
Do you know the difference between In-Laws and Outlaws?
.
.
Outlaws are wanted.
There is ONLY one TRUE solution.
The husband, being the male with no power at all, must tell his wife that he will be happy with whatever decision she makes about her mom moving.
He will smile, say “I love you” and retire to the space allotted to him.
IF mama ain’t happy, then NO BODY is happy...
I think she has had a difficult relationship with her. The MIL is a difficult person. Very combative, very negative. From what I gather MIL does not have warm relationships with other members of her family.
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I hadn’t thought about the money situation. hmmm...If that turns out to be the case his marriage could be in real trouble.
The Working Man ~:” Been there, Done that, Moved to save the marriage, worked for awhile then... “
Been there , done that too ! “ worked for awhile then... “
Same thing !
There are just some parents ( not all are adults) that are called :”Drama Queens”
Set realistic bounderies , ..and realistic consequences
The Kids are NOT in the middle , and will hear nothing negative about either parent.
All visitation is supervised by one or another parent; notification by parent as soon after the offense as possible
1st offense 2 days - no visit
2nd offense 1 week - no visit
3rd offense 1 month - no visit
4th offense 6 month - no visit , etc., etc..
You have to acknowledge that some people aren’t happy until they “control the situation”, start rumors ,’high school crap’, etc.
The Drama Queens aren’t happy unless they are the center of attention : avoid all attention in front of the kids
Good Luck !!
One month ... long ago , I lost #175 pounds .. - she divorced me for her mother !
.. and the mother already had my replacement in mind
and then she married him.
And now , as she controls his life , and drives his car down the road with him in the passenger seat ,
.. we are all friends ,
and I am lighter in the wallet for it,
.. but happier for it !! You see ,.. he deserves her !!
Ugh. Your friend is about ready to step into my brother’s nightmare.
I wish I had an answer for you. Some people don’t (act like they) want to be loved. They’re down and by golly they’re gonna bring you down with them.
The only thing I’d say is the boundary thing. The first time she says “jump!”.....either your friend can choose to do so or PLEASE jump at his own time.
WHY must some people be so miserable?? (Rhetorical question)
In some ways I like my MIL better than my wife - LoL!
She makes a great meal and conversation.
My daughter takes after her more than anyone else, very organized and energetic.
I told my wife Thank God we have someone who rises well above minimal normal.
My MIL has lived with us for twenty years. I get along with her better than everyone except the dog. She never stuck her nose in our business and only voiced a political opinion once—confirming her hate for Obama.
I am the luckiest son in law in the world.
The son-in-law is not fond of her. She made it clear she didn't like him and tried to block the marriage. The daughter, I'm sure, loves her mother and doesn't want to hurt her but is afraid of the trouble she causes. They try to be good to her but probably feel their relationship would be better if she lived further away. LOL
You are one lucky lady. Lots of people would love to be in your shoes.
Actually I think my friend and his wife have a fairly even relationship in terms of power. They're both worried about what kind of problems are heading toward them. From what I have learned their concerns are reasonable.
Reading the comments before yours was depressing. You Sir, are a treasure with a great sense of humor and an open heart.
Were it not for MILs there would be no-one to marry and no grandchildren.
I hope the MIL has plenty of hobbies or a job and no health problems. Moving to a new location could become isolating for her if she doesn’t socialize outside of her family and becomes bored/intrusive. Could happen.
i agree... i am so glad that i have never had to set boundaries with my parents nor in-laws... it is nice to get a spontaneous visit whenever they might be in the neighborhood... and my kids love it...
That was my idea. The Berlin Wall was fairly successful, and he might be able to get segments for a reasonable price today. If not, then steel-reinforced concrete with an appropriate top decoration works. Concertina wire is cheap and can be laid down quickly. Dogs are more expensive than cats, but they can be trained.
Here’s a solution: Every time she comes over, have a new man waiting there to introduce to her for potential date.
yeah, i need some advice too.
i am trying to engage at e-harmony.com
but apparently i have accessed that website before and now it won’t let me.
any suggestions?
kg/nancy
This has been happening to victims er relatives with new babies, when a Mother goes through a mid life crisis.
A close male relative had this happen decades ago. His not that close mother showed up uninvited a few days before their first child was born and a week or so before they moved into a new home. His mother had worn out her welcome with his dad, sister, and her sisters.
He told her that there was no room at the inn in a one bedroom apartment, and his MIL was on call after the baby came to help with the baby and moving. When his wife’s water broke with the new coming baby, he told his mother that she had to be out of the apartment when the new baby and his wife came home. When, she realized that he was serious, she found an apartment in the area.
The MIL came out to help with the new baby and to help with the move. His Mother didn’t show up again, until the MIL and he got his family moved into their new home. After a very long day of moving and unpacking, she showed up at dinner time un announced, saw the baby and asked what was for diner.
He told her that she was going to buy pizza for all of them, phoned in the order and sent her out to get it. She got it after a short argument and wanted money for it. He said no. She went after the pizza and paid for it.
The MIL returned to her home after about two weeks. She was told, she could return anytime. She never wore out her welcome while she was alive.
His Mother, showed up unannounced a lot, often at diner. He would meet her at the door and say no. She finally got the message and would call a few minutes before, and he said they needed 24 hours notice. She finally got around to doing that and she was told that she had to bring a dinner order each time. He worked about 10-12 hours per day and didn’t have the energy or extra money to fed another and unwelcomed mouth.
Everything his wife did with the new baby was criticized by his mother until he told her the next criticism would result in her being banned for a month. If she did it again, two months. If she did the third time, she would become persona non gratia. She got banned twice and was heading for her third strike.
This went on for about 4 months. Finally, she gave up and went back to her husband, daughter and sisters.
So as you posted, set the guidelines up now before she appears at their door: “I told him they need to set some limits at the beginning, for example, no dropping by unannounced, no criticism of is wife to him, no criticism of him to his wife, especially in front of the children!”
my only advice, because i have not had his experience, is that he not let his children have an inkling about his misgivings with their grandmother... he should do all he can to not taint their opinions of her... that would be unfair to her and them...
Easy one, Tell him to find out how much the other Sons in law are paying to get her to leave and double it
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