Posted on 06/03/2011 12:15:50 PM PDT by Niuhuru
Love is not a FEELING, which comes and goes. It is a decision to put your stupid self aside and care for a child you have in your care.
Gad, what a STUPID generation.
“Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice.”
Exactly. It is a parent’s duty to will themselves to love their children.
Then she should have done the research herself and then proceeded to take initiative.
Bingo.
“Give my Wife and I her child, we’ll love her.”
Non-wealthy, strait, white couples are almost never able to adopt white children.
Oh, yes. Stupid FReepers. You’ve got us pegged. I’m surprised you two deign to visit this site.
I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.
I have no clue on how so many like her can function in day to day life; if they would for once just be honest with themselves and live life accordingly, then there would be a lot less damaged kids. It’s not like this woman wanted to make much of an effort; she liked the healthier child more because she didn’t hvae to make an effort, the older one required more attention and care and love, but this woman was unwilling to give it.
What on earth is going on these days with parents?
“I’m nothing special, but I’ve had a productive life with a daughter and two grandkids”
Then YOU are something special. You were able to overcome a hurtful rejection by a woman who was suppose to love you and made a good life for yourself. We unfortunately cannot pick the woman who gives birth to us. Some women cannot show love even to their own babies.
Maybe they enjoy slumming...?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That’s rather harsh, and scientifically it holds little if any truth. We like to pretend that we’re in total control of everything and that everything is a choice that someone could make if only they were good enough.
The truth of the matter is that maternal bonding is psychologically and physiologically complicated. Increased levels of serotonin and oxycontin accompany the early bonding with a child, with or without breastfeeding. This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.
Stupid tablet changed oxytocin to oxycontin.
This is far more common than most people think. I find this on a regular basis in my work. I read the emotional subconscious stored memories of childhood experiences, all the way back to conception. I do this with total strangers without them saying one word. It’s real easy to detect if a child was unwanted by the mother as the child stores the mother’s emotional experiences as their own while they are in the womb.
One of my first cases where I discovered this was with a female university professor about 50 years old who was losing it emotionally. I was able to tell her that she was the oldest child and that her mother did not want her. She responded that her mother ended her career and married her father when she became pregnant with her. Each time I touched the stored memory, it physically knocked the woman off her feet. (I do not touch their physical body in any way) This subconscious emotional memory was beating up this woman, even though she had a very loving mother throughout her life. Ends up, her mother who lived in Europe was coming to visit her in two days, thus her emotional eruptions.
“This girl’s condition obviously hindered that process and it’s likely that the lack of seratonin and oxycontin did inhibit bonding. The mother isn’t really at fault for failing to produce the typical mammalian response.”
And? Does that excuse holding a kid at a distance and verbally and emotionally abusing ehr own daughter?
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We're not talking about lab rats here, we're talking about human beings. Human beings make choices.
We aren't perfect. I can't blame the woman for being unable to get closer to her daughter. What you perceive as a moral failing, I perceive as just one example of human frailty out of billions of possible examples. It's something of a sad story, although with an apparently happy ending. However, I can't fault the mother for failing to mimic biological reactions that in her case never occurred.
There are many many factors influencing the relationship and NO ONE SHOULD BE BLAMED!
You don't choose to bond. It's an entirely parasympathetic process outside of conscious control. Now you may choose to place some blame on the woman for failing to mimic the outward signs of bonding, but I do not.
But I should really know better than to bring science into a discussion that's as potentially emotionally driven as this one. I usually don't. Not here, or in real life. Experience has taught me that people are happier with their illusion of everything being under conscious control, than the real workings of the mind with it's various unconscious mechanisms, hormonally induced feeling and moods, and biological predispositions that shake the foundations of the "I'm in control" school of thought.
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