Posted on 04/30/2011 10:02:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle.
Only one question confused him. “Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?”
“I’ve got a kickstand,” the prospect replied. “Is that the same thing?”
***
“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
***
Quote
“I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.” ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
***
“Coworker Support”
One day at the veterinarian’s office where I take my dog, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring. After a few tense moments, a technician came to her co-worker’s defense.
“Sir,” she interjected, “are you aware of what happens to aggressive males in this office?”
***
“Homework Excuses”
Excuses to give your teacher when you don’t do your homework.
- I didn’t do my history homework because I don’t believe in dwelling on the past.
- I didn’t want the other kids in the class to look bad.
- A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.
- Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him. Unfortunately, my homework drowned.
- Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.
- I’m not at liberty to say why.
- I wanted to frame the detention letter you’re about to give me.
- It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. You don’t want to know the details.
- I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.
- I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.
- My mom used it as a dryer sheet.
- My agent won’t allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.
- It’s against my religion to do any homework.
- I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and they incinerated my homework with their death rays.
- I felt it wasn’t challenging enough.
- My parents were sick and unable to do my homework last night. Don’t worry, they have been suitably punished.
- We had homework?!
- I see your lips moving, but all I am hearing is “blah, blah, blah.”
- I didn’t want to add to your already heavy workload.
- I spent the night at a rally supporting higher pay for our hard-working teachers.
MAY 30
Remembering Our Heroes
“And Moses said unto the people, Remember this day, in which ye came out from Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the Lord brought you out from this place.”Exodus 13:3
Each year, Americans remember those brave-hearted souls who fought and gave their lives so that you and I would have the rights and privileges of living in a free country.
Remembering is important. In fact, God instructs His people on many occasions in the Old Testament to remember from whence they came and to remember His providence.
It is by the mighty hand of God that we are saved, we are protected, and we are free to live in the Land of the Brave. Never take that freedom for granted, my friend. It is a precious commodity for which the world hungers. And it is a powerful charge for you and me to protect.
Do you know of someone in your life who has served in the armed forces of this country? Make a point this week to express to them your gratitude for their service.
"So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner-nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens."
2 Corinthians 4:16; 2 Corinthians 5:1
A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."
Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."
"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"
The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side of which came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.
Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing...I know my Master is there and that is enough."
May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that your dear ones are safe and with God.
PRAYER:
On this Memorial Day, I am praying with all those that have passed on to the other side, and those that are left behind to treasure their memory.
I pray for those that have given their lives in service to our great land. We pray that God will bless and keep our loved ones enfolded in God's loving presence.
In Jesus Christ's name I pray
Amen
I’ve always been impressed by the solemn, magnificent simplicity of the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery. The carefully choreographed event is a moving tribute to soldiers whose names—and sacrifice—are “known but to God.” Equally moving are the private moments of steady pacing when the crowds are gone: back and forth, hour after hour, day by day, in even the worst weather.
In September 2003, Hurricane Isabel was bearing down on Washington, DC, and the guards were told they could seek shelter during the worst of the storm. Surprising almost no one, the guards refused! They unselfishly stood their post to honor their fallen comrades even in the face of a hurricane.
Underlying Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 6:1-6, I believe, is His desire for us to live with an unrelenting, selfless devotion to Him. The Bible calls us to good deeds and holy living, but these are to be acts of worship and obedience (vv.4-6), not orchestrated acts for self-glorification (v.2). The apostle Paul endorses this whole-life faithfulness when he pleads with us to make our bodies “a living sacrifice” (Rom. 12:1).
May our private and public moments speak of our devotion and wholehearted commitment to You, Lord.
Read: Matthew 6:1-6
Thank you for today's devotion.
I on the other hand try not to realize I am thousands of feet in the air. So I look to the other passengers, reading, engaged in conservation, dozing, the sleeping baby, the stewardess's going about their jobs. I pray and think on scripture verses.
Fear of flying is not unusual. We know all the stuff about how the plane flies and it works. It is said that the underlying reason is actually fear of not being in control. Perhaps. We are in control of few things in life. God is there with us, he is sitting in the seat beside me, he is flying the plane, believers are everywhere, each of us has God in us. Isn't that great?
Loyalty ... steadfast in allegiance, to a person, ideal, government. Faithful.
These words describe the dedication to our Lord and Savior that is the basis of our surrender, and repentance, love and faith. They are linked always. Let us keep it simple and remember them and prize the ideas these words mean.
________________________________________________________
“Grant me the strength this day, O Lord, to persevere,
to return honor to Your name where I am serving.
My desire is to give myself in selfless devotion
because of Your love for me. Amen.
The more we serve Christ, the less we will serve self.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!
How could I look this little guy in the eye if I don't do all that I can to make things right?
You couldn't...that's why you will do your best! :)
Thank you!
Thank you all for that!
Such a lovely, touching graphic. And I always loved that song Taylor sang, even though its very sad. It tells the story of many of our 19 year olds.
Thank you all.
No added words needed!
Good picture of you, Dave! Thanks, you guys!
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