THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD

[Colonel_Flagg]

If you live in a hot climate, sprinkle powdered milk in the driver’s seat of a car you know will be parked all day in the sun.

And then claim innocence.

[tacticalogic]

I’ve seen that done, too. The spark will track right across that pencil mark. You can also draw lines between the cylinder contacts and make it cross fire.

[r-q-tek86]

The architecture building at Texas A&M is precast concrete. Some of the beam spans are close to 80'. Just after the building opened, a few architecture students started climbing up and drawing a stress crack in pencil. Every night, they would add a little to it. Of course they had studied structures and knew exactly where a stress crack would appear. After a few weeks, they school had to call in the original engineer to determine if the building should be evacuated. It wasn't until he climbed up to the beam that he discovered the prank.

funny how the architecture building is the ugliest one on campus.

[fredhead]

I served 20 years in the Navy as an Electronics Technician.

Some of the favorites, usually done to the new guy who just checked on board:

Send him out looking for batteries for the SOUND POWERED phones, relative bearing grease, fallopian tubes, or down to Engineering for a BT punch (BT’s or Boiler Techs, were some of the biggest, meanest guys on the ship).

Or my favorite......get a capacitor (which will hold a DC charge) and charge it up with a megger (which uses high voltage to test insulation). Hold the capacitor by it’s body (not touching the leads) and when someone comes into the space say “here, CATCH!!” and throw it to them. Great shock value!! Or just leave it charged sitting on the workbench.

[ErnBatavia]

Question: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?

Answer: Only 1, but it takes a whole emergency room to get it out.

[Celtic Cross]

1) Tape down the handle on the sprayer by the sink with clear tape, and angle it so its pointing at around face or chest level.

Once, I used a paring knife to cut a small square out of the bottom of a peppermint patty and scooped out the filling in the center. I filled the cavity with hot-sauce, packed some of the filling back in, and stuck the piece of chocolate back on and dusted a little chocolate powder on it to cover the scratches on the bottom. Repeated several times, wrapped them back up, and put them back in the bag. I left the bag on a counter in a high traffic area and left. :)

[ErnBatavia]

plant a box of frozen shrimp in his toolbox

Years ago, when I was in the seafood biz and wifey also worked we had a cleaning lady....we'd leave the key and her preferred payment was a five pound bag of frozen scallops which she'd collect on her way out.

One day we came home and the house was in a bit of disarray and the liquor cabinet was open.....her daughter called a week later and admitted that Mom had decided to have a sip, got blasted, took the scallops and left - and didn't notice them until three days later when the funk factor took over inside her car.

[fredhead]

I forgot one good one. Putting a new kid on the “Mail Bouy Watch”

You tell the kid that the mail is dropped off at a bouy (in the middle of the ocean, yeah right!). His job as Mail Bouy Watch is to locate the mail bouy and retrieve the mail bag using a large boat hook.

He must be safe, so the watch is outfitted with all kinds of gear. Hardhat, safety harness tied off to the ship, kapok life preserver, binoculars, pants tucked into his socks, LONG boat hook.

Then he is stationed out on the bow with strict orders that he better NOT miss the mail bouy. And everybody who comes by just messes with him.

[Celtic Cross]

A man came back very morose from a doctor's visit.

"The doctor said I have to take these pills the rest of my life." He said glumy.

"So what?" Replied his wife, "Lots of people have to take pills."

"Yes" said the man, "But he only gave me six."

[Little Bill]

When I was first breaking in to the power biz, at GE, we had a supervisor that used to park his car in the lay down area, in the power plant, when the weather really sucked.

We, peons, had to walk a half a mile to our cars in the ever inclement weather of Northern NE. One day he fell asleep at his desk, bad move, and we lifted his car on to the turbine deck and went home at the end of shift.

I later became a shift manager for a large utility and never parked inside.

[Pan_Yan]

We had a kid all decked out in Mail Bouy Watch gear, on time as per the approved and posted schedule, standing in the control room waiting for us to broach the sail and open the bridge hatch so he could retreive the mail. Yes, he was a nuclear power plant operator.

During the Warm Body Rebellion before we crossed the arctic circle a couple of guys stole the door from the Captain’s cabin. He stationed two petty officers holding a blanket supervised by a chief in its place until it was returned.

[Lucky9teen]

Yes, tis April Fools joke.

I was beginning to wonder if anyone cared... :(

[unique]

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran
into some difficulties while setting it up, so we decided to
call the customer support phone number we found in the
manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered
the phone, and I explained the problem to him.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even
more.

“Sir,” I said politely, “can you explain what I should do as
if I were a small child?”

“Okay,” the computer support guy said. “Son, could you
please put your mommy on the phone?”

---

A country wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the barn. She put his manhood in a vise, secured it tightly, and removed the handle. Next, she picked up an old rusty, dull knife. The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, “Stop! Stop! You’re not gonna cut it off with that rusty old knife, are you?” The wife put the knife in her husband’s hand and said, “Nope. You are. I’m gonna burn down the barn!”

[Arrowhead1952]

didn't notice them until three days later when the funk factor took over inside her car.

One of my fishing buddies from years ago thought he had dumped all the shad out of his bait bucket, but two got stuck. He left the bucket in the camper on the back of his pickup. When he opened it up for the next fishing trip, he said it was so bad, he threw up.

[wyokostur]

Take a small syringe with a small needle and fill with food coloring. Poke a small hole in some eggs through the shell, and inject food coloring.

Have your kids break the eggs for scrambled eggs or baking etc. It’s really fun to watch their reactions. I did this to my daughter a few years ago.

She still talks about it :-)

[fredhead]

Back in 99 my dad gave us his old boat. So the wife and I decided to try fishing. We went fishing one Saturday in mid-June here in Norfolk, VA. Caught a good mess of fish, too.

Went home that night and cleaned all the fish. Put the scraps in the garbage can.

Scraps went in on Saturday, garbage day was Wednesday.

Wednesday afternoon I was visited by numerous neighbors complaining of the whole street stinking to high heaven.

We freeze our fish scraps now and put them in the can (frozen) on the morning of trash day.

[VRWCtaz]

I replaced the Listerine with apple vinegar. It's a real eyeopener! My wife was not amused but she will laugh now when the story's told - finally, after 20 years.

[Arrowhead1952]

One of our newbie mechanics was showing me which plug wire was bad with a lead pencil. Bad news, since the wood was cracked just about halfway along the pencil. He got quite a jolt.

[dragonblustar]

There's no fool like an old fool.

[Arrowhead1952]

I’ve been freezing fish scraps since a similar incident when we lived in Austin. Caught a 20 lb striped bass on Monday and garbage day was Friday. It was in July.