Posted on 03/11/2009 3:47:01 PM PDT by fight_truth_decay
The bottom line is whether or not the biological family can raise and love the child even without a committed loving father. If one of my daughters were to have a child out of wedlock, do you think we would turn over our God given responsibility to raise this child to know Him to strangers if we didn't have to?
No, we wouldn't. As a mother of biological and adopted children (and all that implies), I can assure you that an adopted father does not suddenly trump biological family. Nor does it trump the questions and feelings of abandonment. And on and on.
And as a mother of adoptive children, I can promise you that the kids you least expect to have problems with issues like abandonment may very well be the kids who struggle with that for years.
God places a child in a family, and unless that family can't take care of that child, the child should stay in that family.
IF someone truly and freely feels that she is making the best decision for her child by placing that child for adoption then fine, but she needs to know all her options. Her "sacrifice" is no guarantee of anything for that child.
The family is the fundamental building block of our society, it is not a purely private entity upon which we each get to build our own model—that’s why we fight gay marriage, because it undermines the ability of our society to maintain the truth that the fundamental purpose for marriage is the social protection and regulation of childrearing.
So, no, illegitimacy is not a private family matter.
So is pre-marital sex, illegitimacy and elective single parent housemaking wrong, or just wrong for you, as an arbitrary matter of personal taste about which reasonable people can disagree, like preferring oysters to snails?
If I may enquire:
How old were your adopted children when you adopted them?
Thank you for making your opinion of fatherhood crystalline as well.
My childhood beset friend was adopted. She never, ever felt like she was loved as much as her brothers (who were her parents bio children.)
Another good friend (adult friend) just hasn't been phased by the fact that she was adopted, but her brother (also adopted) has had issues with abandonment well into adulthood.
My cousin spent years looking for her biological family, and she grew up in a very loving family. She adores her "real" parents, but still felt the urge to seek out her bio parents.
The adoption triangle is much more complicated than many people realize. I used to think adoption issues were convenient scapegoats for folks with problems, but I really don't believe that anymore.
Don't get me wrong. Raising children who were adopted into one's family can be a huge blessing, and has been so for us, but I'm not naive enough anymore to think that adoption is just the perfect solution to unwed pregnancy. It most certainly is not. Children are BORN INTO A FAMILY. Removing a child from an intact family in order to provide an adoptive father is not necessarily "the best" thing for that child. Every child I know who was born out of wedlock and stayed in the biological family with strong emotional, spiritual and financial support has done as good or better than any child placed for adoption. It can and does work - all it takes is a family who loves that young unwed mother and child, and believes that child belongs in their family.
Throw me a bone here: don’t families, by definition, include, well—a father?
Or are they optional?
Don’t you believe that single parent children suffer from feelings of abandonment as well?
Think about it.
Look, I write this as the wife of the best father I know. Not many men have biological children and then go out and adopt other children, all the while being a loving, hands on dad. I would like all kids to have a man like him in their lives. Fatherhood is vital. But don't confuse being born into an intact, extended christian family with being born into a socioeconomic, deprived situation with no men in sight. It's just not the same thing.
But like I said I do have a sense of proportion and discernment.
Sadly some don't get that.
He gets it from his mother, trust me...
Indeed, a strong observation on your part.
I have a face for radio.
Not that it weould be a bad thing mind you....
The attachment is real though, and I would never give the kid away in a million years, poops and all.
That cute little kid of mine, he got here that way, and while the reasons that was so are none of your business, suffice it to say my wife and I thank God that technology was available. So are many of our service men and women wounded over seas.
Oh, I forgot since they are away serving their country they should not be thinking about kids, or turn over the ones they have to "stable married couples"...
Meant to ping you as well.
Abandonment issues are the number one problem with adopted children. No matter the age at which they were adopted.
Well then I must have a face for telegraph...
You want the poopy diaper too?
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