| You Are Okay With Money |
 Your instincts tell you to stay out of debt and spend wisely... But you don't always listen to your instincts! With a little more effort, you could have a nice little nest egg. You just have to control your spending. |
Posted on 03/06/2009 4:39:29 AM PST by Lucky9teen
| You Are Okay With Money |
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Your instincts tell you to stay out of debt and spend wisely... But you don't always listen to your instincts! With a little more effort, you could have a nice little nest egg. You just have to control your spending. |
| You Are Great With Money |
 By living below your means, you've set yourself up for a rich future. And while it may hurt to sacrifice now, you'll probably have plenty of money later on. You're on your way to riches - just keep it up. |
Cheesy math humor....
At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a high school mathematics teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. It was later discovered that he taught the students to solve their problems with the help of radicals!
That is a great GIF! I enjoyed the movie too!
Secret Police by the Belfast Gypsies
You can hear it at the link (find the little red circle with an arrow).
| You Are Terrible With Money |
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Bob Dylan-Everything Is Broken
Broken lines, broken strings,
Broken threads, broken springs,
Broken idols, broken heads,
People sleeping in broken beds.
Ain’t no use jiving
Ain’t no use joking
Everything is broken.
Broken bottles, broken plates,
Broken switches, broken gates,
Broken dishes, broken parts,
Streets are filled with broken hearts.
Broken words never meant to be spoken,
Everything is broken.
Bridge: Seem like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground
Broken cutters, broken saws,
Broken buckles, broken laws,
Broken bodies, broken bones,
Broken voices on broken phones.
Take a deep breath, feel like you’re chokin’,
Everything is broken.
Bridge: Every time you leave and go off someplace
Things fall to pieces in my face
Broken hands on broken ploughs,
Broken treaties, broken vows,
Broken pipes, broken tools,
People bending broken rules.
Hound dog howling, bull frog croaking,
Everything is broken.
Glory Days
It’s coming......
If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat.
If you get too cold I’ll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet.
Now my advice for those who die
Declare the pennies on your eyes
‘Cause I’m the taxman, yeah, I’m the taxman
And you’re working for no one but me.
- Taxman (I prefer the Stevie Ray Vaughan version)
Ouch!
Y'all have a great day
Regards
alfa6 ;>}
In honor of the mother of the octuplets,
Denny’s is offering a new breakfast meal:
the Octo-slam,
you get eight eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.
If you don’t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!
This is even funnier when you realize it’s real! Next time you have a bad
day at work think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana .
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2
FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience
contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you’ve been feeling
down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to
make you realize it’s not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.. I wear a suit to the office. It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It
heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is
taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and
I’ve used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what
had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with
Five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of
laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to
rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t poop for two days because
my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my
job.’
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Pass this on to all your friends, just incase they’re having a bad day!!!
A fellow walks into a bar,
notices a very large jar on the counter,
and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be
more than ten thousand dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks,
‘What’s with the money in the jar?’
‘Well... you pay $10 and
if you pass three tests,
you get all the money and
the keys to a brand new Lexus.’
The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up.
And so he asks, ‘What are the three tests?’
‘You must pay first...
Those are the rules,’ says the bartender.
So, after thinking it over a while,
the man gives the bartender the $10
and the bartender drops it into the jar.
‘Okay,’ the bartender says,
‘Here’s what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila,
in a minute or less, and
you can’t make a face while doing it.
Second - There’s a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.
Third - There’s a 90-year old lady upstairs
who has never had sex...
You have to take care of that problem!’
The man is stunned.
‘I know I paid my $10, but I’m not an idiot!
I won’t do it!
You’d have to be nuts
to drink a quart of tequila, and
then do all those other things...’
‘Your call,’ says the bartender...
‘But, your money stays where it is.’
As time goes on, and
the man has a few more drinks,
he finally says,
‘Where’s the damn tequila?’
He grabs the bottle with both hands
and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks...
but he doesn’t make a face, and
he did it in fifty-eight seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door,
where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon the people inside the bar hear
growling , biting, and screaming sounds...
then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that
the man surely must be dead,
he staggers back into the bar,
with his shirt ripped open
and there are scratches and
he’s bleeding all over his body.
He says,
‘Now where’s that old woman
with the bad tooth?’
The moral to the story:
Listen carefully to the directions,
and don’t trust your judgment
when alcohol is involved!
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