Posted on 04/30/2008 11:44:25 PM PDT by Soaring Feather
Today"s FEEBLE
YOKE:
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
"Slim, I"m 83 years old now and I"m just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really? Like a newborn baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
Can I have Vodka in my OJ?
Better yet: can I have a little OJ in my Vodka????
Well, if you must sure go ahead, it’s you head.
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Metaphors from Student Essays
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
4. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
5. McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
7. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
8. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
9. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
10. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
11. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
12. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
13. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
14. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!"
15. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
16. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
17. "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
18. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
19. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
20. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
“8. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”
These are all funny but this one is my favorite.
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My Dream |
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This is my dream, |
6. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
19. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Metaphors from Student Essays
Hilarious, love these!
Odgen Nash so down to earth and funny. Sweet graphic.
Hi Meg, such a lovely graphic, would I love to have this in my back yard.
;o)
What else do you think makes me so bright & cheerful everyday????
Hi! I would, too! I have never had a fountain.
mine
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