The tree is lovely and this year's Christmas card is very beautiful but I can't say the same for Laura's dress in this photo. It reminds me of a robe or caftan that my mother used to have.
Posted on 10/24/2007 8:17:42 PM PDT by Mo1
Score one for Ratboy.
Ours are doing fine with the suet feeders.
Though they gripe a storm if they see you watching them.
A collaborative writ by Monkey Face and myself:
Snowball Fight
Deep in the vast, ice-covered darkness of the South Pole dwells a creature as twisted and cold as his icy heart. His flesh eating snowmen wait with icicle fangs dripping in anticipation for the foolhardy human to wander close. A human thigh from KFH… Mmmmm!
Hunger often draws them to fortify themselves with a mixture of desiccated meatloaf and sour eggnog before heading for their snowmotrikes on a Search and Destroy mission for any careless food-thingy to be caught in the open darkness.
As Anti Claus ponders the plight of his starving minions, he tweaks his frozen beard as he decides to arm his Abominitious Slavering Snowmen, or A.S.S.es, and head NORTH to the Tundra! He arms them with the mummified remains of fruitcake which has been re-formed into armor plating and blackjack staves, and yes, even mortar rounds.
Meanwhile, at the North Pole, Kringle has his hands full with preparation for his Long Ride. He’d been hearing rumors of his bottomless evil Doppelganger, Anti Claus, sitting at the bottom of the world. He didn’t really believe them, but still, there was Mrs. Kringle to consider.
Suddenly, Rudolph bounded into the large gingerbread barn and nudged Kringle towards North Pole HQ. It was only then that he understood the noises at the edges of his hearing ~~ the screams, the tinkling of ice shattering, the sloppy slavering and the grunts and groans ~~ it could mean only one thing: The Abominitious Slavering Snowmen and Anti Claus were HERE! NOW!
Suddenly, all became silent and still. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
A shadow loomed in the lantern light. A melodious voice breathed, “Kringle! I’ve come to share the Holiday Spirits with you and Mrs. Kringle. Won’t you join me in my snowmotrike?”
Kringle was mesmerized by the silken voice, even though he kept seeing red alarms flashing a warning at him. He was unable to move as he watched in horror while his elves began to crumble into kibble under the onslaught of the A.S.S.es.
Using Uber-Santa strength, Kringle, realizing he was lying in a quickly-freezing puddle on the icy floor, and that his minutes were numbered, tried to rouse himself. But he was comfy, and the noise had receded as he drowsed… suddenly, he heard stamping and clawing of lots of tiny hooves, and he knew he must get up to fight.
Abruptly, he was jolted into awareness by a red-hot poker in his ribs, accompanied by snorts, grunts and other bodily emissions. Opening his eyes, he saw Rudolph, jabbing his nose into Kringle’s side, trying to get him up and fighting.
Elf crumbs and icicle pieces were scattered across the floor as Kringle grabbed Rudy around the neck and told him to back up and pull Kringle to his feet. Once upright, he clutched madly at Rudy, putting him in a choke hold under his arm like a rifle.
Together, they leapt over the bales of hay in the gingerbread barn, with Kringle bellowing reindeer obscenities at the snowy, shuffling ice heaps that had so decimated his forces.
With a tight-fisted squeeze, Kringle put his finger to the side of Rudy’s nose and a glaring red laser beam lanced through the closest icicle-toothed horror that growled for flesh, even as it melted.
Moaning and growling, gargling and snuffling, the A.S.S.es lurched and slid towards Kringle and his wriggling weapon. “Let go of me, you ham-handed fr-EEEK!!!” Rudy lased down and slagged several more death-fanged grotesqueries as they rounded the corner, elf bits and crumbs being wielded as clubs.
Rudy and Kringle kept up a brutal barrage and finally made their ways to the North Pole HQ building, leaving a wake of corn cob pipes, button noses, elf crumbs and wriggling puddles of fruitloaf and meatnog throbbing their lives out in front of God and everybody.
Kringle used Rudy as a battering ram and burst through the front door. Mrs. Kringle was on the floor clutching her downy comforter tightly to her chest and chuckling nervously, “He’s not here; he left.”
Kringle merely elbowed the door hard and squished Anti Claus behind it, where he dropped his suit and grabbed his nose.
Upon seeing the insanely glowing nose of the much-abused Rudolph, Anti Claus bailed through the window, somehow getting his boots and most of his other accoutrements back on as he fell. Jumping on his flying snowmotrike, he blatted off into the night, trailing his icy hordes behind him in defeat.
Mrs. Kringle waved her handkerchief goodbye and sniffled. “Don’t forget to write,” she whispered.
“What was that?!” Kringle demanded.
“Nothing, Dear. Oh, look! He left part of his suit,” she smiled, fondling the scratchy, matted fake fur.
It was only in later years, as her icy grandchildren were once again gathered ‘round her knees to hear of “The Battle of the A.S.S.es” or “How Anti Claus Lost His Suit,” which seemed to get longer and better in the telling. It was revealed that she had been ransacked that night, and though it was difficult to relate, causing her to growl like a cougar at inappropriate places, she managed to get through it with a smile and a few tears.
And every year on the anniversary, another suit would turn up. That first year, it was Rudolph’s turn to sue - for encroachment upon his dignity. But he won that suit by a nose.
Yes, and YOU did the hard work! LOL! You’re GREAT, Darks!
I merely did the skeleton of it.
Are you saying I fleshed it out?...
The tree is lovely and this year's Christmas card is very beautiful but I can't say the same for Laura's dress in this photo. It reminds me of a robe or caftan that my mother used to have.
“Now with real elf flesh!”
Umm.. something like that.
Thanks!
Mine could couldn't care less. I'm just part of the scenery....the part that keeps the feeders filled. LOL!
Better known as "Sharkeyland."
You're so twisted. I like that in a person.
We do try....
Of course, if you think about it, (and you’re old enough) you could probably work a song into that phrase...”NORTH to Al-as-KA, we’re going North, the hunt is on...”
Welcome.
;-)
Thanks!
I do some of my best ‘twisted’ writing when there’s other input involved.
Me too! I just don’t often have someone to work with. And I love it when you start it!
I just wrote some drek as to why we build snowmen.
It’s to keep Anti-Claus and his icy minions from eating us.
Got it.
I will need to rewrite it, but still..
In rough first form it gets the job done.
Yes! It does!
‘Twas the night before Christmas
And I lay in my bed
Visions of evil danced through my head
Snowmen with teeth filled me with dread
Flying snowmotrike to cart me off -dead.
Enough of the rhymes, I’ll tell it all straight, of the nightmare that night, and my visitor late.
I shivered in bed, with the most singularly disturbing dreams in which a snake charmer voiced Kringle clone visited me with most unpleasant servants in tow.
I shivered, I shrugged, I sighed, I rolled, and couldn’t get the vision to do as it was told.
From outside there was a peculiar sound, a blatting snowmotrike, and horrible gutteral noise.
I clutched my covers, wished it was a dream, then sat bolt upright when my neighbor did scream.
My door it did quiver, then opened with a bash, I fled to the window and wrapped in the sash.
In walked a strange looking creature, scraggly beard, and twirling the collar of a preacher!
(May my neighbor rest in peace..)
He went through my drawers, went through my wardrobe, went through my wallet, and came to the window...
His servants were terrible, they growled and moaned, their teeth clinked and tinkled, and shivered my bones.
I opened my eyes, and saw his smug face, and at me he pointed and pronounced there my fate.
“Eat him, my minions.”
Onward they came, slavering and growling, his voice had paralyzed me, to my family I could give no warning!
I struggled and shook, I let out a squeek, then the first snowman claw brushed against my cheek.
Their teeth were icicles, their eyes black as coal,and with them they stared at my soul.
As my vision filled with this image of dread, I blurted out for my life, and I plead:
“Wait! Spare my life, and I shall tell, of your wondrous flight and your creatures as well. I will spread the word to my neighbors and country, and we shall erect images of your creatures, as token of our previous folly.”
He grinned at me, knowing it to be a plea out of fear, but he considered it and said, “See you.. next year!”
Out my window he somersaulted and landed on his snowmotrike, which instantly blarted, the snowmen disassembled and leaped outside too, but as I sighed, one thing I noted.
For in the morning, as I convinced myself it was a dream, my neighbors house was empty it seemed.
And on my lawn was a singular sight, a snowman holding the preacher’s collar tight...
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