Posted on 03/03/2006 5:42:52 PM PST by rawhide
The whole story is not good for me to get into here, and nothing is to be gained by it. He left me because I did something really bad after he had done a whole host of things really bad to me, and she got pregnant, so I think he married her, despite the decree stating a one-year waiting period.
And the whole thing is threatening to rear its ugly head again because my daughter is pregnant, told his wife rather than her father, the wife can't keep her mouth shut, told one of the worst people imaginable as far as being an incurable blabbermouth, so it's upsetting. Sooner or later people will know anyway. I just hope she has gotten too old to make any more trouble for us, but I am afraid maybe not.
I have pretty much put it all behind me since the kids became adults, but Sunday I was out photographing a race, and this man came slowly up the hill behind the main pack, no one else in sight during that interval, and I smiled at him and told him to hang in there. Then I snapped his photo. He paused a little and asked me if I knew who he was. I said no. He walked on by and said your ex-husband. I don't react like a lot of people; I kind of went into "what a weird thing that was" mode, and didn't miss a beat with my photos.
I had not seen him in 18 years, and nobody can understand why I didn't recognize him or his voice, but I did not and would not if I had just been watching the race without my camera. Later I got pretty upset about it because things I would rather forget came flooding back and have each day since then. I was married to him for 11 years and had three children by him, never remarried, never lived with anybody, never dated much; he has not changed physically all that much except for losing a little hair on the top of his head, but his face was that of a stranger, and I did not recognize his voice. He had a very different gait and demeanor, more like an old man, kind of depressed almost, although looks to be in good shape.
I hope I get past this as I did not ever want to see him again in this life, but they say nothing happens by chance.
Maybe the kids just found the photos when they were visiting, but I wouldn't be surprised if she showed them off; I don't want to accuse her of something she is not guilty of.
He is alienated from his mother because of her, my oldest daughter despises him, sometimes my younger daughter expresses love for him and then gets mad, and my son has some contact with him sometimes. Now that the children are grown up and for the sake of their mental health, I have encouraged them not to harbor ill feelings against him, but did not want to be caught in any more of it myself.
Actually, I don't like her, have no feelings at all about him , but they both have had serious health problems so I prayed for them that they both would have time to repent of a lot of things. I have taken care of my part of it with my Creator, and was most earnest about it all.
I can imagine. It sounds like you have handled it rather well.
It's my experience that sometimes the Lord makes you confront the very thing you dread the most simply so you will trust Him still more. It's easy to be confident against that which does not make you afraid. When you give over your fears and simply trust, you remove roadblocks He didn't want for you.
If these ex-strippers feel the call without sinking back into the lifestyle, more credit to them. A lot of strippers come from broken homes or ones where one or both parents had a history of abuse. They get into the business for the money or the need to boost their self-esteem, then get hooked on the lifestyle and get swallowed up by it.
I think He may have wanted me to remember a prayer I made almost daily through the worst of the period immediately following our breakup. I prayed with all my heart that we could get back together, for the sake of the children and because I did not want to be a single mom, I wanted him to quit drinking, quit putting me down, quit abusing me, and for us to be a real family similar to what I had growing up.
Life went on and I began earnestly to pray for a new husband, for years I hoped and dreamed of finding just the right man for me, a soul mate. It never happened, thwarted at every turn, so I finally resigned myself to never marrying again and carved out a new life for myself which most people would never want but which has had some consolations and growth, spiritually, emotionally and learning new skills and great suffering.
Maybe remembering that will unblock something. The memory surfaced just after I was on a group that disparages prayer, I *think* Ash Wednesday, and my prayer life is more sporadic and unstructured now, but the little boy across the street came to my door after dark and asked if I had seen Gary, his cat. No, I hadn't, and Gary likes me, a cute story I don't have the energy to tell and who cares anyway, and I had missed him myself because he likes to eat the cat food I put out for the birds on my stoop. I happened to mention to the scoffers that I was praying for Gary, that he had been missing three days, had been hit by a car, his paw was swollen to twice the size, that he would come home and be safe. The next afternoon I even looked in my garage to see if, in his pain, Gary might be holed up in there because it is cold.
Last night I went out about 9 PM or so to do a quick errand, and the kids were outside. I asked them if there was any news about Gary, expecting something negative. "Gary came home last night at 9:30" (about the time I had posted about my prayer) Ash Wednesday evening (the night before). His paw was still swollen, but they had taken him to the vet, he was in the house and expected to be all right. Prayer is a funny thing; you can't be sure if your prayer was answered or if it was a coincidence; our journey is not by sight. Do you mind if I say, "Praise the Lord?" I did not tell the children I had prayed because that is imposing my religious beliefs on them and their parents might not like it. If there is an appropriate opening, I will follow the leading of who I hope is the Holy Spirit.
I've said too much, know that God's ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts, so I try to take each day as it comes and am freer to just be myself without being hung up all the time that I am not perfect and do not wish to be perfect in this world. I try to be nice to people, and sometimes it is all I can do to be civil.
I'll freepmail you one little thing that doesn't have anything to do with any of this or religion, but had better not dwell on it any more.
So you could have hit the nail on the head. Or you could have hit your thumb with the hammer. Who knows?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.