Good morning Fierce...
Posted on 12/09/2005 7:30:18 AM PST by BJClinton
Whack - A - (6.02 x 10^23)
LOL! I'm listening to the snowplow go by now, it's been snowing for a couple of hours here in MA, wooohooooo, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, I've got NO PLACE to go today, heeeeehaaaaa!
Good morning Fierce...
dang. he's fine.
| You Have a Sanguine Temperament |
 You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything. A bit fickle, it's easy for you to |
LOL, Tijeras Sim.
a bit fickle, it's easy for me to what?... .
Shouldn't he be eating pudding?
That's what I was wondering.
That's just wrong! There's no Lynyrd Skynyrd bumper sticker on that truck.
Oh, man, that's a classic! Nothin' silly 'bout dat.
Here are some additional important facts-
Please read this, you may have to someday protect your family.
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more that meet the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly until his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to
have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling
"Bang!"
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his
back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying
"booya!"
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected
with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of
course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the
fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into the backyard. He came back five
minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When
his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the
face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity," then you are dead wrong.
14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper, Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
16. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she
was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
17.Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
18. Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed
two.
19. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.
20. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!"
Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and
laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went
deaf.
21. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
22. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.
23. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
24. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
25. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse
kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia
Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris
brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged
beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a
crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal,
breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck
giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who
have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick
related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "f***ing."
12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who s***,
and Chuck Norris.
15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris'
Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it
back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked
Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's
disease.
17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only
time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the
Holocaust.
19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.
21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris
could use to kill you, including the room itself.
24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
game of tennis.
26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was
the third girl he had slept with.
27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.
28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
up with lactose's s***.
30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
How adorable!! Your girls are absolutely precious.
"a bit fickle, it's easy for me to what?...
That's what I was wondering."
my first guess is it's easy for me to f*ck up.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.