Posted on 09/23/2005 8:32:17 AM PDT by pissant
ROFOL!
I usually try to run rabbits over in the road. Kinda pre-tenderizes them for the scavengers!
Yeah, but JACKrabbits will do structural damage to your vehicle. They are so tough, you slow cook them in the oven, pot roast style for 8 hours, throw the rabbit away and eat the pot.
ROFL!!! Classic.
I turn 50 next month, so I've worked with MORE than my share of characters.....both in and out of the military.
One kinda stands out, though........
When I was a pilot in SAC, we had a boom operator (we flew KC-135 tankers) named Augie in our squadron. Augie was a piece of work.
Kept his head shaved LONG before this was considered "cool". He spoke quickly, quietly, rarely....and with a bit of a lisp (no, he wasn't gay). He lived in the dorm and had a fortune in stereo gear; he placed razor blades around his window frame to thwart burglars (found blood on 'em once, too).
Loved to catch critters and use his homemade, miniature guillotine on 'em.
Used to go out into the desert and search for scorpions with a blacklight (yep......they'd then meet the guillotine).
To watch him eat was an experience. He'd stick his fork into something (say, an entire pork chop).....lift it up in a wierd sort of way while looking it over, then smell it, then lick it....usually the underside of the item. I have no idea why.
He was a mechanical/electrical genius. Wing Ops Officer once handed him a combination lock and asked if he could figure out the combo and open it for him. Augie had it open before he hit the door on the way out.
Squadron P.A. system was always a f**ked up mess. Someone finally asked Augie to tackle it......and that thing was AMAZING by time he finished with it. He got our alert facility every imaginable channel on cable.....still not sure how he did that.
He was also one HELL of a boom operator.
LOL. Just wouldn't want to be stranded on a desert island with the guy. You'd end up on the roasting spit! ;o)
Oh man have I got some doooooozies!
First job out of the army was working for an electrical construction company. Red Barret. Dumb as a box of rocks. Couldn't understand why a person didn't just know how to do electrical construction. Hired me so he'd have someone to prove he was smarter than. Same for the one other worker there.
As it was winter I always brought a thermous of tomato soup with cut up hot dogs in it. Dummy #2 berates me for being so stupid. You'll just get cold again, or some such nonsense. Dummy #1 agrees that once again they are both so much smarter than I am cause they just bring cold sandwiches.
About a week later the temp drops to zero or so. We pile into the cab of a truck trying to stay warm while eating our lunch. I'm in the middle. I crack open that thermos and steam and arouma escape into the truck. Out of the corner of my eyes I see both of their heads turn and longingly glance at my thermos. Their nostrils flare.
Under almost any other circumstance I would have shared as there was plenty to go around. This lasted a week before I got laid off.
Bet that soup & weenies tasted mighty fine in sub zero weather. LOL. Especially when watching them eat a frozen sandwich.
You have no idea how much I savored that soup or those lunch hours. I'm a nice guy. I'da shared with anyone else, but as the moniker says, I can be really bad. I truly enjoyed their misery.
As would I have!
As Service manager for a walmart TLE I got stuck with a corporate types moron son. Kept harassing the women. Even brought one to tears. This guy had some kind of mental disconnect going on. You'd tell him not to do something and he'd sit there and discuss how he was going to do it differently to get away with it. With daddy covering his butt he was unfireable. Took him into the oil pit to talk to him. He started with his nonsense again, so I slugged him in the gut. He went and told daddy. I denied everything. No one believed him. (or wanted to believe him because I am known for that kind of thing) He stopped showing up a few days later.
Then there's the cab driver with the plate in his head. About every six months he'd blackout and the fare would have to drive the cab back to the stand.
I've never punched a co-worker, but I've been tempted a few times!
Now that is SCARY!
What was scary was the former POW (Nam) that flipped out on tac-site. PV1 came running down from my radar and said that Sgt. Stoner "was having trouble". As he was excited I ran up there to find Stoner flipped out screaming Vietnamese at me. He then hit me. Hard. He started for me again so I shoved myself off the platform and slid down the snow covered hill. Six people less bright than me went up that hill and got their butts handed to them before he came out of it. Nicest guy in the world. Never took my eye off of him when he was around after that.
You've had some doozies!
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